Merry Christmas

Dear Michael,

It's Christmas Eve. Another year and you still aren't here. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care... yours is there too, but it hangs empty tonight. We sent sent to you with a wire transfer and an email message, sending you our love. Wanting so much for you to know you are loved and missed.

I can't think of a better place for you right now then where you are, given the options we have. I am so very grateful for the Flomo family to love and care for you. To send you to school and provide for your needs. I am so thankful.

And yet. there are moments when we stop and think what it would have been like for you to be with us tonight. Going to Grandma and Grandpa's house, riding on the snowmobile, opening presents, cuddled in the back of the van with the other kids, tucking you in, kissing you good night, wishing you a merry Christmas.

What was God thinking when He put you in our hearts? What did He want us to know about longing and hope and perseverance? And what did He want to show you?

I miss you tonight, Michael Immanuel. (Who is like our God? Our God is with us) I am trusting God tonight, who is with us even a world away. So, once again, I ask that the angels kiss you softly and watch over you while you sleep. That you will know how loved you are.

Sweet Christmas dreams, little son.
Mama Peggy

Another birthday

It was Michael's 8th birthday this week. We received his very first picture just after he turned 4 yrs old, almost four years ago. My first visit to see him was just before his 6th birthday. I've been able to see him four times in the past two years. And I am so very grateful for that.

We will know more about adoption in Liberia in Jan when the Senate approves the lift of the ban on adoptions that the parliament passed last fall. We believe adoptions will begin to be processed this spring. There is a lot to do before that and we are doing what we can to get ready. 

There are still many, many days when it feels like it will never happen. I am so thankful for the occasional comment from a friend that they are praying for us. It is so encouraging at our prayer group when one of our prayer partners lifts up the adoption and Michael before I do. Sometimes I am just tired of praying the same prayer over and over. "God, I know Your timing is perfect. I know You love him more than we do. I know You have a good plan for his life. Thank you for working all of this longing and waiting into something that brings You honor. Thank you for the ways this experience has shaped our family and touched many others' lives. You are good and I know You are working good in me and in Michael.  Amen."

I saw this on another blog. It is worth sharing. I linked the title to the source.

A Prayer for Children

Lord of Life,
We pray for scampy children
who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.

God of Compassion,
We pray for children
who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who never play tag or go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.

Loving Father,
We thank you for the children
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.

And we hurt for those
who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who don't have rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
whose monsters are real.

Gracious God, help us be gracious to children
who spend their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and
whose smiles can make us cry.

Almighty God, help us bring justice for those children
Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything
Who have never seen dentist,
Who aren't spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
Who live and move, but have no being

Lord Jesus, we thank you that you are the One who welcomes children, may we do so as well
We pray for all children
Who want to be carried, who don’t want to be carried and for those who must,
We pray that we would never give up on any of them
And that you would gather them up,
Cuddle them like lost sheep
And release them to be your love, light, and salt in the world.
For we believe Lord in your kingdom – your playground
Where goodness is stronger than evil
Love is stronger than hate
Light is stronger than darkness
Truth is stronger than lies
We need not be afraid.

When it's not enough

It has been too long since I've written. I've wanted to, but it takes time and energy and I don't seem to have extra to spare, but writing needs to take a new priority in my life. God is moving in my presence and I want people to hear the stories and give glory to God because He is here, with us, our Immanuel.

Today my heart is moved with grief, which drives me to write, whether I have the time or energy. I need to! I just returned from my fourth trip to Liberia in two years. I actually had to count it out, unbelievable. This trip was primarily about visiting well rehab sites with our partner, The Last Well, and connecting a donor with the village she put a well in. However, it turned out to be about much more than that. One of the unexpected, but common, events was the death of two mothers after childbirth. The first one is from Fenutoli, a large village we completed several well rehabs. Our Teamwork Africa pastors had an evangelistic outreach there in which over 80 people responded to the Gospel message. In getting to know the people, we were made aware of a tiny baby left behind after the death of her mother. Pastor Peter asked that the baby be brought to the guest house in Monrovia.

My friend, Diane, was at the house to receive the baby and named her Emma Louise. Baby Emma is tiny! I just prayed she would not stop breathing during the night. Please send angels to watch over her! The next morning, we took Emma to the hospital. She weighed 1.3 kgs. She seems stable and, God willing, she will be OK.

Baby Jeannie Elizabeth

The next day, Oretha received a call that the wife of a man she considers a brother had died at Phoebe hospital after childbirth, leaving behind a baby girl. Peter, again, asked for the baby to be brought to us. When the baby arrived, they asked me to name her. I hesitated. Oretha asked me what my mother's name is. My mom's name is Jean, so we named the baby Jeannie. Baby Jeannie had a headful of soft curly black hair.

We left Liberia on Sun and on Mon, Jeannie was taken to the hospital with malaria. Malaria is likely to have contributed to the death of her mother. She seemed to be doing OK at first, then convulsions developed. Othera, Peter's wife and a nurse, stayed with her in the hospital and the doctor changed her medicine. She improved enough to be discharged. However, Oretha readmitted her the next day. This time she didn't get better. Peter called me this morning to let me know Baby Jeannie had "expired" over night.

What mixed emotions. How do you receive tragedy gracefully? I know I don't know. I just feel numb, then guilty and helpless. Then angry and frustrated. Finally, broken and small. Is that the grief cycle?

I know we can't save every child, or at least I think I know that. No, actually, in my heart I DO want to believe we can save them all.  Of course that's not realistic, however, if I was trying to be realistic, I would have quit a long time ago. We just do what we can with what we have and believe it WILL be enough! Even if sometimes it's not. And sometimes we were too late. And sometimes we didn't have what we needed and sometimes there was nothing we could do. And that I guess this is where faith, not practicality comes in. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and no one hopes for what he already has, but waits for it. (Heb. 11:1, Rom. 8:24).

I concluded during my darkest days that God is good. In the middle of pain, confusion, loss, I clung to the truth that God is good. He will work things out for good. In the end, good will win. I am not a philosopher or some wise sage, I do not understand very much of this world. But, my soul is at peace because I know God knows all things.. I know He loves us.

I don't believe it was God's will for Baby Jeannie to lose her mother at birth and die at one week old. I don't think God makes people get malaria. It's part of the fall that wrecked everything. In parts of the world, like the US, we eradicated malaria carrying mosquitoes. Africa hasn't had that opportunity. Does God care more about Americans than Africans since they die of this tragic disease? No. Jesus declared that the kingdom of God is coming and has come. We are to declare the kingdom of God to the ends of the earth. And pray that His kingdom would come here, just like in heaven. Death will not win forever. 

He knows your name

Last week, Pastor Peter, our friend and ministry partner, was participating in a village council. This community had broken wells and those wells were being restored. Here are Peter’s words:

"We were welcomed by the town council. The Chief is a lady and she was so excited to see this rehab work come to their village.  With their councilmen listening to our conversation, I told them that God had invited the efforts of Teamwork Africa and that of The Last Well to go to where the need of clean water is even before the foundation of the world.  One curious elderly man asked me how God knew our names and villages since we have no one presence in the government.  I then began to share the Gospel from his question and presented to them the Attributes of God; one of which is His Omniscient power.  This led to the conversion of four souls.  The pastor, Jeffry, was asked to disciple these men.  The Teamwork Africa pastoral team is going to have three days of evangelistic outreach in this village by the end of this month."
 
This story brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I wanted to cry out, “Yes!” He knows your name. He knows your village. He has not forgotten you. You are so very precious to Him.
August 16 to 26 I have the opportunity to visit many of these villages that are getting their wells repaired through our partnership with The Last Well. I am so excited and humbled to have the opportunity to proclaim Christ to these communities. To look in the eyes of the men, women, and children and confidently declare, “You are not forgotten. The Lord God sees you. He knows your names. And, He loves you.”

God has blessed me so much! I have already raised over half the funds I need for this outreach. I need about $1000 more. We are also hoping to bring an additional $400 to provide 50lb bags of rice to about 10 unsponsored Starfish kids. My travel companions are excited to visit the village of Tumatai. They helped put a well in this community last year and they want to develop a relationship with them. I am eager to see what God has planned!

We will also be meeting in Liberia with our partners, The Last Well. Several organizations will meet together to discuss how we can work together to bring clean water and the Gospel to Liberia. While Teamwork Africa’s vision is broader than clean water, we are very excited about the opportunity to be part of bringing the Gospel through water.

Would you please consider “going with me” by supporting this outreach? Checks can be made out to Teamwork Africa. Please don’t write my name in the memo so that you will be able to receive a tax deduction for your gift. Just write my name on the bottom of the return envelope or put a sticky note on the check. Thank you so much!
Please pray for me. I will be posting updates at www.teamworkafrica.org. This is our brand new website!
God is so very good!

You can send donations to: Teamwork Africa 2920 Bobbie St. Eau Claire, WI 54703

I miss you

A few weeks ago I was talking to Pastor Peter on the phone when unexpectedly, he gave his phone to Micheal. He said, "Hello.". I excitedly responded, "Hello, Micheal! How are you?" He replied, "I am fine. Tell my brother and sister hello" Then there was an awkward pause. Talking to Michael is something I treasure, but our conversations are very short since we don't often understand each other very well over the phone. But, after a pause, Michael said, "I miss you."  "Oh Michael, I miss you so much too!" And I was undone. The conversation ended and I needed to go take the dog for a walk.

So much of the time I think I'm OK with the waiting. Maybe I have just adjusted to the ache. Maybe I just try to ignore it. I don't know.

 

This is our first picture together. I have it in a frame over my computer with the title: Weight of Glory.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, 

works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. 

2 Cor. 4:17

I remember the first time I held him, the phase that came to my mind was "this is what the weight of glory feels like". All the praying and dreaming and imagining what it would be like to hold this child that holds my heart was mine to have. I could hold him, kiss his head, pray over him, sing over him, rock him, play with him and tell him over and over how much I loved him. I had the sweetest gift of holding him as he slept in my arms. As I left Liberia after that trip, I starting weeping as soon as the plane took off and cried all the way to Ghana. I sat in the middle of the middle row completely exposed. And I wept. 

And there are days, probably more than I would like to count, that I get that far off look and blink back the extra moisture. There are moments when the African American neighbor boy is playing with Dawson or I see a child Michael's age, or celebrate the coming home of a friend's long awaited child. There are times when I look for him- one two three four, where's... oh yeah, not here yet. 

But he is here. Ask my children. There is rarely a family prayer that doesn't include him. Just last week in VBS, on the day the kids learned about how God answers prayers, Grace's prayer was "for Michael in Liberia. That Michael would be safe." A couple days ago, Mark looked at the picture of me holding him and starting praying for him to come him. 

I miss you too, Michael. More than I let myself embrace. God is good. I know He is. There is reason and purpose in this pain. For now, sweet dreams, and may angels guide you through the night and wake you in the morning light. Amen.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you

I just had lunch with Grace at school and took the dog for a walk, actually, I needed the walk, I just took him with me. I was thinking about my thoughts about how it feels to be in Liberia and how it feels in the US. One thing I long for when I think of Liberia is how unstressed I feel. I just don't feel anxious in Liberia. All the things that don't really matter, really don't matter. Where, when, how we do things are just details. It will be done, at some point, some how, so why stress about it? I LOVE not knowing what time it is. There are really important things to care about and heart breaking things that make you cry out to God, but they are things that really matter. I think one reason I have so much more energy in Liberia is that I don't waste energy on things that don't really count.

In the US, things like time and schedules and plans and details matter a lot. Endless hours are spent on such things and organizing details. I get wrapped up in it. So much clutter in my life, so many distractions here. Someday I'm going to go through everything and "throw OUT everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." (my paraphrase of Hebrews 12:1) In the US, it is much easier for me to feel like I am in control and I realize I am no more in control here than I am in Liberia. It is just an illusion.

And, I am beginning to wonder if the difference isn't really Liberia and US. Maybe it's just me. My birth in Liberia was one of utter dependance. I arrived on that first trip completely unable to provide for myself. If God didn't take me by the hand and lead me, I was lost. And, He did! There are so many lessons I continue to go back to on that first experience. God planted seeds of meaning that have taken months, maybe years to harvest. God is Lord of All, the US and Liberia. And He is the same in America and in Africa. So, must I be.

Some lessons take a long time to learn, and I know really cool people who have awesome life verses. I don't think I'm probably one of them. And I didn't choose this verse, I feel like it chose me because I keep being brought back here time after time. So here we go again. So, I say once again:

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. PS 116:7

As I told Mark recently, God doesn't need me to run Teamwork Africa, but I need Teamwork Africa to teach me about God.

Follow the missions trip

If you would like to follow the mission trip, please go to the Teamwork Africa blog We will be posting updates as often as we can. Either Debbie or I will, if the internet is working or we will call Debbie's husband and he will update it for us.

By Friday, I will be holding my Michael on my lap!

Liberia Missions Trip

I am so excited to be heading back to Liberia again. We will leave tomorrow. Here's the plan so far:

Mission Trip March 2012

Thurs March 15 Fly out of MSP,  and connecting flight in Altanta.

Pray for traveling mercies. It can be stressful! Pray that our eyes are on Jesus and not our circumstances. Pray that we are Jesus to those around us. 

Fri March 16 Arrive in Liberia. Pray that everything arrives with us safely and that we get through the airport without difficulty.

Sat. March 17 Women's conference. Peggy Halvorsen and Debbie Nutzmann will be the main speakers. Pray that we share what is on God's heart for these precious women. Pray that our hearts are bound together through the love and joy we share with one another.

Sunday March 18 Attend church at Eternal Love church and prepare our supplies for ministry.

Mon and Tues  We hope to deliver rice to the Starfish kids that are in Monrovia. We may have meeting about future agriculture projects and tour some schools. We hope to research education, medical, and agriculture practices.

Wed March 21 Leave early in the morning for the interior. Pray again for traveling mercies. The vehicle we will be taking does not have air conditioning. Pray for good weather.

 Thurs. March 22 We will be visiting several villages that have recently had wells dug in their communities. We will be doing medical outreach. The churches will be distributing clothes and joy bags. We will be spending one night in Kpeletayama and one in the missions house.


Fri March 23 Last day of visiting villages and then heading back to Monrovia. Pray for our health and safety, flat tires are common.

Sat. March 24 Celebration of Teamwork Africa first anniversary.

Sun March 25 Attend church and head for the airport. Our flight heads out at about 6 pm.

Mon March 26 Arrive back at MSP and home.

Hannah's love

1 Samuel 17:19 And his mother used to make for him a little robe and take it to him each year when she went up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice.

I felt like Hannah this morning. I am packing for my third trip to Liberia for the third visit to see my son Michael. He is a whole year older and bigger since last time I saw him, held him. I went through the boxes in the closet of clothes carefully stored away for his homecoming and once again packed up things to take to him. 

I felt comforted by the story of Hannah. She knew just what it feels like to pack clothes for an annual visit to see your son.  Questions come to mind that I don't allow to linger long, but long enough. Will he still let me hold him? Does he wonder why I don't come for him? But, if I have learned anything it is to trust. God sees the beginning from the end. He always does what is right and good. I am small and foolish and weak. Who am I to give advice to the Most High? Nope, not me. I will be still and know that He is good.

May my heart sing as Hannah's did. (1 Samuel 2)

 ¹ Then Hannah prayed:
   “My heart rejoices in the LORD!
      The LORD has made me strong.^[a]
   Now I have an answer for my enemies;
      I rejoice because you rescued me.
 ² No one is holy like the LORD!
      There is no one besides you;
      there is no Rock like our God.
 ³ “Stop acting so proud and haughty!
      Don’t speak with such arrogance!
   For the LORD is a God who knows what you have done;
      he will judge your actions.
 ⁴ The bow of the mighty is now broken,
      and those who stumbled are now strong.
 ⁵ Those who were well fed are now starving,
      and those who were starving are now full.
   The childless woman now has seven children,
      and the woman with many children wastes away.
 ⁶ The LORD gives both death and life;
      he brings some down to the grave^[b] but raises others up.
 ⁷ The LORD makes some poor and others rich;
      he brings some down and lifts others up.
 ⁸ He lifts the poor from the dust
      and the needy from the garbage dump.
   He sets them among princes,
      placing them in seats of honor.
   For all the earth is the LORD’s,
      and he has set the world in order.