Missing you

Thursday night we had a living room full of friends come to hear about our trip to Liberia. Our friend, Joe, made an awesome video for us about the trip. I had a lump in my throat from the beginning as I saw the pictures of our Michael.

Sometimes, maybe it's easier to focus on the whole of Liberia than that one little boy I love so much. I was reading a friend's blog about hugging her son who was adopted a few years ago and the bond of trust that is still growing. Of course, I thought about hugging my own little boy, who I have now left twice and don't know when I will see him again.  

This is a picture of Michael taken after we left. My friend, Donna, was there. See, we had taken Michael with us to the airport the first time, when we thought we were going to leave. That 45 min drive, with Michael on my lap was so painful. Even though, I was disappointed that we got bumped from our flight, there was one little boy who wasn't sad at all. I am so thankful for the extra time we had with him, but not without a cost. The second time went to the airport, we didn't bring Michael with us. I asked to say good bye at Peter's house. Yes, I was the one who could not bear that long ride to the airport holding him. I told myself that it would be easier for him. That he would busy himself in his familiar surroundings after we left. That he would forget. 

As hard as it was for me to say good bye, I have no idea how that felt to him. And the pain I feel not knowing whether he feels abandoned by us is deep. The look on his face in this picture.

And yet, why the pain? Because of the joy. Because of love, Because of hope.

 When he was with us, he must have known he was loved. To hear him laugh when Mark tickled him, was the most beautiful music to me. Mark said I beamed when I watched them together.

I don't understand why. I can't explain how come God hasn't opened wide the way for him to be with us. But we pray. And, we pray. And really, all I know to do is pray and love and hope.

Memories of Michael

I wish I had the words and the time to fully describe our time in Liberia. There are moments that I was sure I'd never forget and yet even those fade slowly. Here are a few precious hours spent with Michael that we never want to forget.

The first time we saw Michael, on this trip, him came right to me. I lifted him up in my arms and thought my heart would burst.
It was so different from the first time we met. Last time, I loved him, but I didn't know him. This time, we both knew each other. The memory of holding him is so strong in my arms. "The substance of things hoped for", for that moment was real.

I must admit, at the time, I was selfish. I needed a few minutes with Michael myself before I could share him with Mark.

Michael was shy of Mark at first. But at the afternoon, unfolded, I watched a father and son bond grow before my eyes.

This is Mark and Michael's first picture together.















This is their second picture.

During the afternoon, Pastor Peter took us to New Life community. On this property, Peter dreams of building a school, a medical clinic, and guest house.

The city of Monrovia is built on a peninsula. The area ideally can hold 500,000. Currently there are over 1 million people living there. As the city expends, it will move towards Peter's land and he wants to be prepared to meet the needs of the people.

After seeing the foundation for Great King Academy, the new foundation for the medical clinic and the progress on the guest house, we went to get supper.

I asked if Michael could stay with us for the night and Peter agreed.


Mark read books to Michael just like he does our other kids. It seemed so natural.

Sometimes you wonder what it will be like when you see this child you have prayed for and dreamed of so long. Will he feel like "yours"?


For us, it felt so natural to embrace him as "ours". Nothing felt weird. It seemed normal.

Two of my favorite pictures. Michael loved being tickled by Mark. By the next day, I think he preferred Mark to me.