Happy Birthday Michael

The date of Michael's birthday on our paperwork is Nov. 6. There is no way of knowing how close that date is to the day he was born, but I guess we don't really know what day Jesus was born and we celebrate His birthday Dec. 25th.

This year, Mark and I were in Liberia together in Nov. and we wanted to celebrate Michael's birthday with him. I actually packed a small chocolate cake in my carry on for the occasion along with balloons and candles.

The plan was to have the birthday party as soon as Mark arrived and before our other friends left, but it didn't work out that day, or the next day, and the days kept going. Finally, it was the last day before we left. It was today or not at all, it was then that I realized how much I didn't really want to have this birthday party. Mark lead the way, brought the kids in, lit the candles, sang the song. I took pictures and tried not to cry.

After the little party, Mark and I walked and I wept. The party just reminded me of all the birthday I had missed. And all the years we had missed together. And the pain of loving someone and leaving them so many times.

The next day we packed up our things to go to the airport. I gave candy to everyone at the guest house so they wouldn't cry as we drove away. We took Michael with us to the airport. I had one more gift for him. A electronic phonics game. The kind of gift you get when your mom is a teacher, I guess. I took it out shortly before we got to the airport so I could teach him how to us it. My hope was that it would comfort and distract him on the drive back after we left.

We arrived at the airport, brought our bags to the terminal door and said, "Until I see you next time". I caught the look of pain on Michael's face before Oretha led him back to the truck. I broke his heart again. It's one thing to endure my own pain at leaving again. But, it is almost unbearable to know the pain I am causing him. I try to remember what C. S. Lewis said about the joy now is part of the pain later. It's because of the love and joy we share that parting is so agonizing.

I think I'm glad that we shared Michael's 9th birthday with him. I hope that it is a warm and happy memory for him. I really have no idea what the future holds. I choose to keep my hands open before God and trust Him. 

4th Anniversary of Loss of Habakkuk

 Since Habakkuk's death, almost 100 new wells and repaired wells have benefited about 40 community, providing water to 1000's of people. The ave. estimate is 1000 people benefit from each well. Only heaven knows how many children's lives have been saved from cholera, diarrhea and other water borne illnesses.

In Moses Quinah Town, not one child has died since the well went in there nearly two years ago.

Last year, over 400 people responded to the Gospel message.

Teamwork Africa has expanded to medical outreach, agriculture projects, micro loans, child sponsorship, building a school, scholarship for education, pastoral support and training. Our newest outreach is SMART women, which will protect young women in Liberia from sexual exploitation.

None of this would have happened without Habakkuk's life being intertwined with ours.  Jesus says in John 12:24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels--a plentiful harvest of new lives. NLT

Habukkuk's death has produced "a plentiful harvest of new lives".

This is not the road we would have chosen. This isn't the plan we had for our life. But, God is always good. He had something better planned for us and the people He so loved. The journey continues to be painful. Our hearts are broken frequently. Yet, there is deep joy in this journey.

I believe that it is God's plan to redeem every broken heart. To bring beauty for ashes. To bring hope out of despair. He is faithful and He will do it. We can trust Him. He is always, always good.

Not The Road I would Choose

Today I was subbing in 4th grade. The students were just finishing a read aloud called Mary On Horseback by Rosemary Wells. "In 1923, there were no doctors or hospitals in the isolated mountains of Appalachia. Then Mary Breckinridge came. Trained as a nurse, she made the Appalachians her life's work-fording icy streams and climbing untracked mountains to bring medical help to those in need."

Mary Breckinridge married as a young woman and her husband died. She remarried and had two babies that both died and then her second husband died. She was in despair. But, out of that despair she decided to become a nurse and go to those who needed help. She wanted to save children since she knew the pain of losing her own.

As I'm reading the end of this story, I am barely holding my voice steady. Then when the book is finished, little Libby in the front row says, "You are like her aren't you, Mrs. Halvorsen? " Yeah, I said. I reminded those who maybe had forgotten about the little boy I lost to cholera and how I wanted to save the other children in the villages. I didn't do a very good job with my emotions this time. I ended class 5 minutes early.

This isn't the road I would choose for me, but it still feels right somehow.

So this is what it feels like to walk the wilderness
This is what it feels like to come undone
This is what it feels like to lose my confidence
Unsure of anything or anyone

So this is what it feels like to walk the desert sand
This is what it feels like to hear my name
To be scared to death ’cause I’m all alone
But feel love and peace just the same
This may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
So this is what it feels like to just fall apart
To be totally unglued
To find out that if I accept my brokenness
I get more of me, I get all of You
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
So this is what it feels like to just walk away
From everything I thought kept me safe
To depend just on You for every meal
And find that it’s better this way
Oh, it’s better this way
This may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
Like I do right now
This may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
This is what it feels like to be led
So this is what it feels like”

What it feels like – by FFH

  

The life you have

A few weeks ago I took my neighbor's two little boys to AWANA with my kids. As we were leaving and I was..um.. herding (?) the six kids the the van, it struck me that this would have been my life if things had gone as I had planned. The extra two boys are 8 and 5, about the same ages of Michael and Habakkuk.

The life you have instead of the one you wanted. This isn't the way I thought things would go four years ago. I never imagined the pain so deep, the loss so great. I couldn't have dreamed of the joy so sweet or a purpose so meaningful. I'm so glad God has never asked my opinion of what He should do in my life.

This journey of love. I laugh when I read that title now. I had no idea. "Sometimes love leads to unlikely places". Well, I guess so.