Blessings in waiting aren't always easy to see

I'm subbing today and had a couple of my friend's kids in my classes. They were adopted a few years ago. I hadn't seen them for a while and I noticed how big they were growing! My friend and I began the adoption journey about the same time. She is celebrating her time together with her children while I remember how long I've waited.

Sometimes it's not so hard. Lots of times I'm thankful for all God has done in the waiting. And, sometimes it's really, really painful. Today is one of those days. It doesn't bother me when friends ask about the adoption- are there any updates? I appreciate that they are waiting with me. The hardest thing is seeing kids that remind me of Michael.

On the adoption update: There are rumors of adoption opening this fall. We'll see. Liberia is electing a president this week. There are a lot of things that can happen. Maybe this time. In any case, I hope to go to Liberia again in the spring. I will see him then.

Until then, Lord, bless Michael and keep him. Make Your face to shine on him and give him peace. May he grow to love You with all his heart, and soul, and mind. May he love You always and follow You all the days of his life. Send Your angels to watch over him. Guard his heart, mind and body. Let him know how much he is loved. I trust You. Amen.

It looks like hope

This morning Grace (8) asked me what I would wish for if I had one wish. Without thinking deeply, I replied, "I wish Michael would come home." A few minutes later, Alaina (6) asked when Michael would be coming home. I told her, "God only knows." She said, "We should pray." I responded that we do pray. She was quiet for a few minutes, then she informed me that she had just prayed herself.

Later, I talked to a friend who said that it was looking very good for the adoption ban to be lifted this fall and that adoptions would begin. What a flood of emotions: hope, but not too much;. Joy, but please not overwhelming; fear, what if it's delayed again; and that empty feeling that I get when I can't bear all the other feelings anymore.
Michael told Pastor Peter one morning,"Papa, you are my first father and the white Man and woman is my second parent." 

Every bit of details about him is so precious. Here is the newest picture.

Suffering now, joy later. I guess that's why dessert comes last.

OK, here's one of my little secrets. One of my favorite things about being an adult is that no one, well at least most people, don't tell me I can't have dessert first. If I want to have a little something sweet before dinner and ruin my appetite. I can. I never had that privilege as a kid and I enjoy that freedom now.

I wish the rest of life was so simple. There are days when I can look at Michael's picture and smile for the joy knowing him has brought to my life and the ways I have grown because of loving him. And then there are days when I just cry. There is a very sweet little boy in my neighborhood who comes over to play. He is black and about Michael's age. I love it when he is at our house. I can taste a little of what it would be like to have Michael here.

Whether now or later, I will be with him someday. And I do have deep joy knowing he is loved and cared for where he is. And, he knows I love him too. 

A new leg of the journey

"This is not the way I would have chosen" is a line from a Ginny Owens song that I just posted in the side bar to my blog. Her song captures my journey. And now, a new adventure. 

My husband, Mark, and our friend, Pastor Peter Flomo, have embarked on a mission called Teamwork Africa. 

Teamwork Africa is dedicated to planting churches and resourcing them to meet the spiritual and physical needs of their communities in the interior of Liberia, West Africa.

 We are very excited to partner with The Last Well in this project. We are also sponsoring children that have lost their fathers and their families are in Our goal is to start 10 church plants in the interior of Liberia. Many of these communities don't have clean drinking water, so one of our top priorities is a well or biosand filters. We also sponsor children whose fathers have died and their families are in desperate poverty. To find out about these and other projects, go to: http://teamworkafrica.blogspot.com/

Michael lost his first tooth a couple weeks ago. I had heard a few people give different ages for Michael, so I checked out his teeth when I saw him in March I was surprised to see he hadn't lost any teeth yet which makes me think he is between 5 and 6 yrs old instead of almost 6 1/2 yrs old.

Here is Pastor Peter's description of Michael:

Michael has sided with my son to become Electricians.  He modifies and designs things from his toys.  All Michael knows is that his parents live in the USA.  He is in the middle of two parents.  I am now fully in charge as a Dad especially over my ripe plum.  Michael is a smart little boy.  He is growing another teeth.

Missing you

Thursday night we had a living room full of friends come to hear about our trip to Liberia. Our friend, Joe, made an awesome video for us about the trip. I had a lump in my throat from the beginning as I saw the pictures of our Michael.

Sometimes, maybe it's easier to focus on the whole of Liberia than that one little boy I love so much. I was reading a friend's blog about hugging her son who was adopted a few years ago and the bond of trust that is still growing. Of course, I thought about hugging my own little boy, who I have now left twice and don't know when I will see him again.  

This is a picture of Michael taken after we left. My friend, Donna, was there. See, we had taken Michael with us to the airport the first time, when we thought we were going to leave. That 45 min drive, with Michael on my lap was so painful. Even though, I was disappointed that we got bumped from our flight, there was one little boy who wasn't sad at all. I am so thankful for the extra time we had with him, but not without a cost. The second time went to the airport, we didn't bring Michael with us. I asked to say good bye at Peter's house. Yes, I was the one who could not bear that long ride to the airport holding him. I told myself that it would be easier for him. That he would busy himself in his familiar surroundings after we left. That he would forget. 

As hard as it was for me to say good bye, I have no idea how that felt to him. And the pain I feel not knowing whether he feels abandoned by us is deep. The look on his face in this picture.

And yet, why the pain? Because of the joy. Because of love, Because of hope.

 When he was with us, he must have known he was loved. To hear him laugh when Mark tickled him, was the most beautiful music to me. Mark said I beamed when I watched them together.

I don't understand why. I can't explain how come God hasn't opened wide the way for him to be with us. But we pray. And, we pray. And really, all I know to do is pray and love and hope.

Memories of Michael

I wish I had the words and the time to fully describe our time in Liberia. There are moments that I was sure I'd never forget and yet even those fade slowly. Here are a few precious hours spent with Michael that we never want to forget.

The first time we saw Michael, on this trip, him came right to me. I lifted him up in my arms and thought my heart would burst.
It was so different from the first time we met. Last time, I loved him, but I didn't know him. This time, we both knew each other. The memory of holding him is so strong in my arms. "The substance of things hoped for", for that moment was real.

I must admit, at the time, I was selfish. I needed a few minutes with Michael myself before I could share him with Mark.

Michael was shy of Mark at first. But at the afternoon, unfolded, I watched a father and son bond grow before my eyes.

This is Mark and Michael's first picture together.















This is their second picture.

During the afternoon, Pastor Peter took us to New Life community. On this property, Peter dreams of building a school, a medical clinic, and guest house.

The city of Monrovia is built on a peninsula. The area ideally can hold 500,000. Currently there are over 1 million people living there. As the city expends, it will move towards Peter's land and he wants to be prepared to meet the needs of the people.

After seeing the foundation for Great King Academy, the new foundation for the medical clinic and the progress on the guest house, we went to get supper.

I asked if Michael could stay with us for the night and Peter agreed.


Mark read books to Michael just like he does our other kids. It seemed so natural.

Sometimes you wonder what it will be like when you see this child you have prayed for and dreamed of so long. Will he feel like "yours"?


For us, it felt so natural to embrace him as "ours". Nothing felt weird. It seemed normal.

Two of my favorite pictures. Michael loved being tickled by Mark. By the next day, I think he preferred Mark to me.