A Christmas gift

On Christmas Eve day I went out and got the mail. In it I received one of the best Christmas presents of this year. Our I600a approval.

We applied for the I600a in Jan (?) We went to St. Paul for fingerprints in Feb. I went again in March because I have "defective" fingerprints. : ) We submitted our home study in May. And then we waited. And waited and waited. Nothing. Finally, I emailed our adoption agency and asked what I should do. They asked me if we did our fingerprints. I said yes. I asked them if they submitted our home study. They said yes. Then I asked, "Where did you send it? Our fingerprints are in St. Paul." They responded, "Oh, we sent your home study to Milwaukee. We will resend it right away." About a month later, (Nov) I received a letter from USCIS saying I needed local police clearance since my fingerprints failed. ( I never realized how important those little buggers are!) So, I got that taken care of and finally, received the paper we have been waiting for!

Could this be your son?

One year ago yesterday, I opened an email titled- ?. In that email was a picture of a dirty little boy with a big belly and a sad little face. And: This is Michael. He is four years old. Could he be your son?

I don't know what goes through other adoptive parents heads the first time they see their child, but I was filled with emotions I couldn't put words to. I even asked some friends if there was a "normal" way people, mothers, were supposed to feel. Well, it's been a year now and I still feel many mixed emotions, often.

Yesterday we were at the Peder Eide concert at Trinity Lutheran. We went to hear him sing his new song- Why Wouldn't I. I used to have it on my blog page. We had the chance to talk to Peder after the concert. It was a very special way for me to celebrate, yes, I can use that word, to remember, that one year ago, I saw my boy for the first time.

I just got the info I was waiting for in regards to the water well. In connection with that, I received a message from the pastor who is currently Michael's foster dad. He said, "Extend my greetings to Michael's parents." It was the first time anyone has called us Michael's parents. Joy and sorrow. Hope and longing. All part of the journey of love.

Not alone for Christmas

I found this song last night. I was amazed at how it echos my emotions lately. And, it reminded me that I'm not the only one waiting, loving, longing.

For all of us, here's Merry Christmas - Third Day

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
and we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his lifeand prepare a place for us
so we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

Bittersweet thoughts of the holiday season

First of all, I don't know why I need to torture myself with catching up on my friends' blogs of happy pictures and memories of their adopted children safe and sound at home with them right before I update my blog which is still about the waiting.

We put up the Christmas decorations on Sunday. The ponderings of my heart were bittersweet. Last year, I had dreams of what this Christmas would be like. I was sure our little boy would be here by then. There is the Christmas stocking I bought last year when we first received Michael's picture. It's hanging by the fireplace with the rest. And there's the Christmas stocking that's not hanging up too.

I made a Christmas ornament with Michael's picture on it and hung it on the tree tonight.

Alaina's teacher told me today that Alaina has been talking about her brothers a lot lately. The one that's in Liberia and the other one's that in heaven. Evelyn is the Star Student next week and she's including Michael in her family too.

Our gifts arrived for Michael this week. My friend still didn't see him smile. Oh how precious that first glimpse of joy in his eyes will be.

Happy Birthday dear one

November 6 was Michael's fifth birthday.

I can think about what didn't happen for his birthday this year or I can dream about what it will be like next year. I choose the latter.

I am really excited that a friend of a friend is going to Liberia next week and will, hopefully, be taking a small package with her for our boy. Some matchbox cars and of course, some books. : )

So, Happy Birthday, Michael. Know that you a loved beyond measuse, constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

Finally... some news

I just heard yesterday that the adoptions that were in process, nine months ago, are being completed in Liberia. So, just set our story aside for a second, I can't imagine these families, many just waiting for a visa in Jan. 09, to be on hold for so long. But, finally, two dozen families will soon get their kids.

OK, back to us. So, basically, we are next in line. As soon as these "in process" adoptions are finalized, we are next to go.

Last weekend, I was at a women's retreat with tons of my dear friends, many asked how things were going for our adoption. I told our story of losing Habakkuk and waiting for Michael many times. It was really soul cleansing. I cried tears that were still stored away. It was a jump start to my heart. I realized that I had stunted loving Michael any deeper b/c of Habakkuk's loss. I "froze" my heart. Sometimes it feels like one of those really late night drives, when you are really tired and have been driving a long time, and you are just sure you are never going to get home. Some days, many actually, it feels like that. If I am honest, it feels like we will never bring our boy home. It's just a dream that will fade away in the light of morning.

Although this weekend hurt, it was good. The kind of pain that reminds you that you are alive. This dream is alive. At just the right time, we will bring our son home.

Thank you for any of you out there that pray for us and especially for Michael.

On this day nothing happened

Have you ever seen one of those tourist site signs that read "On this day in history, nothing happened here" ? That's how I feel lately. Friends ask once in a while if we have any news, we don't. The only thing I've heard recently wasn't helpful. There is some pressure in Liberia, as they finalize the adoption process, to make adoption more difficult. Please pray that won't happened and we will soon know how long until we can bring Michael home.