Journey to Love

Small Steps

2011-12-11T12:24:00.001-08:00

I don't know if you've ever thought about writing an autobiography. I haven't really given it serious consideration, but a while ago Mark and I were talking about what we would name it. My title was "Small steps in the Right Direction". That reminds me of the scripture that has guided me this year is Hebrews 12:1-4.

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. ³ Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.

We are all on a journey. Mine has felt like a marathon and I am not a runner! And, learning to pace myself takes discipline. So, I am learning to throw off distractions and let go of little sins that trip me up. I am focused on Jesus. I have a race to run. Not only that, but 1 Cor. 9:24 says:

²⁴ Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!

I will run to win and not give up. To do that, I accept that joy and sorrow are bound together on the journey.. If I refuse to accept sorrow, I am disqualified from joy. Look back at Jesus' example from Heb. 12 it was the joy before Him that gave Him the courage to endure the cross. My blog may look like one of continual sorrow. But I believe 2Cor. 4:17.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

I choose not to waste sorrow in my life, but to let it shape me and change me. I refuse to become hard, but allow my heart to be broken. I have yet to experience a pain so deep that God's mercy did not carry me through.

Today my heart is heavy because my dear brother in Liberia, Pastor Peter, is very ill. He has experienced severe pain for over a week. I have prayed. I have asked others to pray. I don't understand why God allows him to suffer so much. My heart has felt bruised. I know Papa allows us to ask our "why" questions, although He rarely answers them. I just keep going back to the song I posted recently "Trust His Heart".

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

Carries me though

2011-12-04T17:45:00.001-08:00

This time of year is so full of thoughts of Michael for me. Today we were getting coats, snow pants, hats and mittens ready for school tomorrow from the pile of such items accumulated in the entry way. As I sorted and organized, I found a small yellow jacket, too small for Dawson. Before I could stop it the thought "I wonder if this would fit Michael" sailed through my mind.

There are draws full of clothes that are already too small for him. There is a closet and bed waiting. His name is on the wall. He is present in this house even though his body has never been here.

Some times it doesn't ache so deeply. But lately, it does. Every beautiful dark skinned child is a reminder of my son. I do trust that God knows what He is doing. I do believe that God is working out His good purposes for Michael and for us. But it would be misleading to suggest that faith and trust take away confusion and pain. No, they are the strength that carries me through.

Trust His Heart

2011-12-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

All things work for our good though sometimes we can't see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two sometimes blinds us to the truth

Our Father knows what's best for us His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan And He holds our future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope All our hope is found in Him

We see the present clearly But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true He alone knows what is best for you
So when you don't understand When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand trust His heart

Go to an October post to hear the song.

Joy and sorrow of the season

2011-11-29T18:55:00.001-08:00

I have thought about posting often, but not motivated enough to write. Nov. 7 was Michael's birthday. I thought about him constantly all week. Thanksgiving weekend is the three year anniversary of our first homestudy appointment. And, Dec. 13 will be three years since I saw Michael's picture for the first time with the question, "Could this be your son?" Again, this Christmas we put up the decorations that we thought for sure he'd be here for this year. I hang up his stocking, again. Open his box of ornaments, he gets one every year too.

No one asks me what I want for Christmas, It would be silly. There is only one thing and maybe next year he'll be here.

One year ago today I left Liberia after my first visit

2011-10-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

All this week I've been reliving my first visit to Liberia last year. The day I arrived. The first time I saw Michael. Drinking water from Habakkuk's Well. And today, leaving. It's been a bittersweet week. I wish I was there again this year.

As the plane lifted off from Roberts International airport, I began crying and I sobbed all the way to Accra. I sat in the middle of the middle row, not a good spot for a private emotional breakdown. Oh well.

So much has happened in one year. Only God could have known what He had in store for me. I can't wait to see what happens this year.

Trust His Heart

2011-10-12T18:03:00.001-07:00

Blessings in waiting aren't always easy to see

2011-10-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

I'm subbing today and had a couple of my friend's kids in my classes. They were adopted a few years ago. I hadn't seen them for a while and I noticed how big they were growing! My friend and I began the adoption journey about the same time. She is celebrating her time together with her children while I remember how long I've waited.

Sometimes it's not so hard. Lots of times I'm thankful for all God has done in the waiting. And, sometimes it's really, really painful. Today is one of those days. It doesn't bother me when friends ask about the adoption- are there any updates? I appreciate that they are waiting with me. The hardest thing is seeing kids that remind me of Michael.

On the adoption update: There are rumors of adoption opening this fall. We'll see. Liberia is electing a president this week. There are a lot of things that can happen. Maybe this time. In any case, I hope to go to Liberia again in the spring. I will see him then.

Until then, Lord, bless Michael and keep him. Make Your face to shine on him and give him peace. May he grow to love You with all his heart, and soul, and mind. May he love You always and follow You all the days of his life. Send Your angels to watch over him. Guard his heart, mind and body. Let him know how much he is loved. I trust You. Amen.

It looks like hope

2011-07-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

This morning Grace (8) asked me what I would wish for if I had one wish. Without thinking deeply, I replied, "I wish Michael would come home." A few minutes later, Alaina (6) asked when Michael would be coming home. I told her, "God only knows." She said, "We should pray." I responded that we do pray. She was quiet for a few minutes, then she informed me that she had just prayed herself.

Later, I talked to a friend who said that it was looking very good for the adoption ban to be lifted this fall and that adoptions would begin. What a flood of emotions: hope, but not too much;. Joy, but please not overwhelming; fear, what if it's delayed again; and that empty feeling that I get when I can't bear all the other feelings anymore.
Michael told Pastor Peter one morning,"Papa, you are my first father and the white Man and woman is my second parent."

Every bit of details about him is so precious. Here is the newest picture.

Suffering now, joy later. I guess that's why dessert comes last.

2011-06-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

OK, here's one of my little secrets. One of my favorite things about being an adult is that no one, well at least most people, don't tell me I can't have dessert first. If I want to have a little something sweet before dinner and ruin my appetite. I can. I never had that privilege as a kid and I enjoy that freedom now.

I wish the rest of life was so simple. There are days when I can look at Michael's picture and smile for the joy knowing him has brought to my life and the ways I have grown because of loving him. And then there are days when I just cry. There is a very sweet little boy in my neighborhood who comes over to play. He is black and about Michael's age. I love it when he is at our house. I can taste a little of what it would be like to have Michael here.

Whether now or later, I will be with him someday. And I do have deep joy knowing he is loved and cared for where he is. And, he knows I love him too.

A new leg of the journey

2011-06-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

"This is not the way I would have chosen" is a line from a Ginny Owens song that I just posted in the side bar to my blog. Her song captures my journey. And now, a new adventure.

My husband, Mark, and our friend, Pastor Peter Flomo, have embarked on a mission called Teamwork Africa.

Teamwork Africa is dedicated to planting churches and resourcing them to meet the spiritual and physical needs of their communities in the interior of Liberia, West Africa.

We are very excited to partner with The Last Well in this project. We are also sponsoring children that have lost their fathers and their families are in Our goal is to start 10 church plants in the interior of Liberia. Many of these communities don't have clean drinking water, so one of our top priorities is a well or biosand filters. We also sponsor children whose fathers have died and their families are in desperate poverty. To find out about these and other projects, go to: http://teamworkafrica.blogspot.com/

2011-05-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

Michael lost his first tooth a couple weeks ago. I had heard a few people give different ages for Michael, so I checked out his teeth when I saw him in March I was surprised to see he hadn't lost any teeth yet which makes me think he is between 5 and 6 yrs old instead of almost 6 1/2 yrs old.

Here is Pastor Peter's description of Michael:

Michael has sided with my son to become Electricians. He modifies and designs things from his toys. All Michael knows is that his parents live in the USA. He is in the middle of two parents. I am now fully in charge as a Dad especially over my ripe plum. Michael is a smart little boy. He is growing another teeth.

Missing you

2011-04-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Thursday night we had a living room full of friends come to hear about our trip to Liberia. Our friend, Joe, made an awesome video for us about the trip. I had a lump in my throat from the beginning as I saw the pictures of our Michael.

Sometimes, maybe it's easier to focus on the whole of Liberia than that one little boy I love so much. I was reading a friend's blog about hugging her son who was adopted a few years ago and the bond of trust that is still growing. Of course, I thought about hugging my own little boy, who I have now left twice and don't know when I will see him again.

This is a picture of Michael taken after we left. My friend, Donna, was there. See, we had taken Michael with us to the airport the first time, when we thought we were going to leave. That 45 min drive, with Michael on my lap was so painful. Even though, I was disappointed that we got bumped from our flight, there was one little boy who wasn't sad at all. I am so thankful for the extra time we had with him, but not without a cost. The second time went to the airport, we didn't bring Michael with us. I asked to say good bye at Peter's house. Yes, I was the one who could not bear that long ride to the airport holding him. I told myself that it would be easier for him. That he would busy himself in his familiar surroundings after we left. That he would forget.

As hard as it was for me to say good bye, I have no idea how that felt to him. And the pain I feel not knowing whether he feels abandoned by us is deep. The look on his face in this picture.

And yet, why the pain? Because of the joy. Because of love, Because of hope.

When he was with us, he must have known he was loved. To hear him laugh when Mark tickled him, was the most beautiful music to me. Mark said I beamed when I watched them together.

I don't understand why. I can't explain how come God hasn't opened wide the way for him to be with us. But we pray. And, we pray. And really, all I know to do is pray and love and hope.

Memories of Michael

2011-04-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

I wish I had the words and the time to fully describe our time in Liberia. There are moments that I was sure I'd never forget and yet even those fade slowly. Here are a few precious hours spent with Michael that we never want to forget.

The first time we saw Michael, on this trip, him came right to me. I lifted him up in my arms and thought my heart would burst.
It was so different from the first time we met. Last time, I loved him, but I didn't know him. This time, we both knew each other. The memory of holding him is so strong in my arms. "The substance of things hoped for", for that moment was real.

I must admit, at the time, I was selfish. I needed a few minutes with Michael myself before I could share him with Mark.

Michael was shy of Mark at first. But at the afternoon, unfolded, I watched a father and son bond grow before my eyes.

This is Mark and Michael's first picture together.

This is their second picture.

During the afternoon, Pastor Peter took us to New Life community. On this property, Peter dreams of building a school, a medical clinic, and guest house.

The city of Monrovia is built on a peninsula. The area ideally can hold 500,000. Currently there are over 1 million people living there. As the city expends, it will move towards Peter's land and he wants to be prepared to meet the needs of the people.

After seeing the foundation for Great King Academy, the new foundation for the medical clinic and the progress on the guest house, we went to get supper.

I asked if Michael could stay with us for the night and Peter agreed.

Mark read books to Michael just like he does our other kids. It seemed so natural.

Sometimes you wonder what it will be like when you see this child you have prayed for and dreamed of so long. Will he feel like "yours"?

For us, it felt so natural to embrace him as "ours". Nothing felt weird. It seemed normal.

Two of my favorite pictures. Michael loved being tickled by Mark. By the next day, I think he preferred Mark to me.

The teacher's house in Kpeletayama

2011-03-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

We were so happy to see the teacher's house in Kpeletayama. As soon as we arrived, little kids were telling Mark and I: Tank you for the teacher's house.

The house is beautiful and bigger than I expected. I'm so excited to learn that Nancy, George's wife and a trained midwife, will be doing baby deliveries in the kitchen of the new house. This house has real glass windows and an indoor toilet!

Baby Esther

2011-03-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

Please pray for Baby Esther. She is five months old and the size of a newborn. She has a terrible birth defect. Her head is too small and she is probably missing part of her brain.

Beginning of day 5:

2011-03-26T14:45:00.000-07:00

We packed up at the old missionary trip. A mother brought a young child to see Peter. She is a toddler, small enough to still carry. She has a birth defect, Her foot is twisted like Brown’s, but her hands are good and although her other foot is missing some toes, her leg still works. That is good. Peter took pictures of her and gathered information. She will be on the list of children for medical visa. It's amazing how kind and gentle Peter is with these chidren and their mothers. He carefully records the information in a notebook that he always keeps with him and takes pictures of the child. It is so obvious how much he loves children.

We had the pineapple for breakfast that was given to us as a gift. Later we also had rice. It is a really big deal that Mark and I are willing to eat rice from the bowl with the rest of the team. We all get a spoon and eat together. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me, I was glad to have a spoon. But it meant a lot to the people watching. I guess some white people have not even eaten the rice, let alone share the bowl.

So, we started off towards Gbarnga. We stopped to see the grave of a mother and wife of a pastor. She was in labor pain, but she died because there was no transportation to get her to the hospital in time. She died in the hammock that carried her and she was buried along the road. Her grave was well cared for as she must have been well loved.

We continued through Gbarnga, stopped to get some disel, and continued on. Mark has been reading 5 Dysfunctions of a Team out loud to Peter. Peter loves it and has already learned so much from it. He says this book probably won't make the trip back to the US and I think Mark has already conceded that he is right.

End of Day 4:

2011-03-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

I still have much to write about yesterday, but not enough time to write it. So, I must start with what touches me deepest and hope that I will remember the rest another day.

At the end of our busy day, we returned to the old missionary house. As things were being arranged, I saw a baby in her mother’s arms. I had wanted to hold a baby all day. Now I asked to hold this one. She seemed so tiny, with big bright eyes. I prayed over her the prayer I pray for my children. May the Lord bless you and keep you… I asked some ladies the age of the child. They said 5 months. I thought how could that be. She is so small, maybe the size of a newborn. I noticed her forehead seemed narrow. Then Mark and Peter took pictures of me and Ester, the child. Peter also noticed this child seemed small. He evaluated the child and asked questions to her mother. Ester is the youngest of three, although her mother looks no older than 20. Peter says she has mild CP and microcelphus. Of all the babies, I saw today, this one I was able to hold. This one is very sick. I pray, oh how I pray, God led me to this child for life, not death. For hope and a future. Oh God, please, bless this child and keep her. Make your face to shine on her and be gracious to her. Give her a hope and a future. Amen.

Also, we gave away all ten birth kits today. I met Nancy, yesterday. She is Pastor George’s wife and an experienced midwife. She has an excellent midwife kit that is from UN, I think. It has more supplies than our simple kits, yet it lacks some of the disposable things. When they move into the new house, she will begin delivering babies in the kitchen because there is no midwife house in the village. However, delivering in the kitchen with a clean floor is much better than on a dirt floor, which is what they have now.

(Took a break for supper, rice and chicken again. This is the 5th time today we have been offered rice and chicken to eat.)

OK, it’s after supper now and I’m a little calmer now than I was before. I just had my first “bucket shower” and I feel refreshed, especially since we left Moko’s yesterday morning. I’m typing at Kristy’s laptop while my 4 gb of pictures and video download to a flash drive and listening to Chris Tomlin on Kristy’s Ipod in the middle of the Liberian jungle in the old missionary house with a generator for electricity and for that I’m really thankful. I did bring 5 small batteries-lanterns, they help at night. There is also a toilet here. Big bonus. I’m seen some interesting “bathrooms” on this trip.

2011-03-25T15:54:00.000-07:00

Completion of the pastor's seminar.

End of Day 3:

2011-03-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Peter picked us up only 15 min. late, traffic, he said. He brought Othera (O-rita) and his daughter to do my hair. So, I have braids again. We left from Moko’s and went to Peter’s. I saw Michael again. So good to hold him and kiss him. We took more pictures. I’ve gotten two different reports on his age. Othera said he is 5 and Auntie Mary said he was 8. So, I asked him if I could look at his teeth. Oh my gosh! I have never seen teeth so bad! Later I asked Peter and he said Michael hasn’t lost his baby teeth yet. I hope that is true.

So, from there we left for Bong County. Peter, Mark, Pastor Quina, another pastor, me, Pastor George and Huggins. Pastor George met his wife in Gbarga. She is a midwife and she has a great kit that she uses. I got video of her describing it to me.

Then, we drove and drove until we came to Moses Quina Town. The roads got worse the farther we went. We shared roasted almonds along the way.

Once we arrived, the people were so happy to see us. Many people greeted us warmly. Pastor Quina told the story of the killing of seven men in the village. Now those widows have to do the farmwork and their children try to stay with Pastor Quina to go to school. All those children call him father and look to him to help provide for them.

Then the bell rang for the service to start. We were invited in to eat something. Yes, they rang the bell and then we ate. It give people time to come in from the fields, it’s harvest time. We ate rice, greens and plantain. I liked to plantain. It is a mix between banana and potato. Mark liked the rice and greens better. After that, they arranged the benches so that maybe 50 people could sit in the church. Peter introduced Mark and then Mark gave the Gospel presentation. Then Peter invited those who wanted to become believers to come to the front and receive Christ. Sixteen came forward to respond to the invitation.

The Jesus film was also shown that night as well, after we left. Eight more people responded to the Gospel after the film. We didn't stay for the film, but headed to Dwight-a (no idea of the spelling). There is an old missionary house there. It was built in the 1930's and a missionary family came to live there in the 1950's and stayed until the '70s. Most believers in the area can trace their faith back to this couple and their 5 children. It was an honor to stay in the house of these missionaries and consider the legacy they left behind. I pray we can build on the foundation they built.

We brought a generator, so the house has electricity. We used batteries lanterns while they set it up. There is a toilet (bounus!) but you have to dump water down it to get it to "flush" and the bathroom "door" is a blanket, for which I am thankful. Also, Peter and the pastors were thoughtful enough to get a net for Mark and I to sleep under. Drawback: no a/c although it wasn't that hot during the night.

Michael and Mark

2011-03-25T15:08:00.000-07:00

Day 3: Heading to the Interior

2011-03-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, we were able to post and update. On Monday, I forgot the laptop with Peter, so I wrote in my journal. On Tuesday, we had the laptop, but the internet wouldn’t connect. So, it’s 7 am on Wed morning and I’m writing on Word for now.

Yesterday, Mark finished the Pastor’s Training. It was very well received. He did outstanding as a passionate communicator, even speaking with a translator. We had Michael with us too. He and Mark continued to bond and connect, especially through tickling. The music the youth choir sang was outstanding. Morgan(Peter Flomo Jr.) is the choir leader. He is a very good leader and passionate about music and his team. I see good things ahead for this young man. I look forward to getting to know Otheta better. She is going to do my hair today after breakfast. I am looking forward to spending time with her.

It is cloudy today and very humid. I wonder if it will rain. It did rain yesterday afternoon, a great downpour for a little while.

Peggy: Arrival Day

2011-03-20T14:44:00.003-07:00

Our 7:25 flight did finally leave Alanta after midnight last night. We had a great conversation with Donny from SC, the carmel fiend. I learned a lot from him and got some great ideas that I will write down soon.

It did feel like forever before we left. The flight was first delayed one hour, then half hour increments after that. After 11:00 I don’t think they even updated it anymore, but we did leave and the rest of the trip was smooth: no luggage issues, no immigration problems. And, Mark did a great job of collecting ALL our luggage, no missing pieces and we went outside the airport where Peter, our friend was waiting for us! Happy reunion! So, this trip has been good. Even if Peter and his wife and friends did wait hours this afternoon for us to arrive.

We are now settled in at Moko's and ready for the first day of the conference tomorrow. It is so fun to be at Moko's again. It's wonderful for share such great memories with Mark and to feel at home already.

We didn''t see Michael yet. I hope we can see him tomorrow.

Mark and Peggy Go to Africa, Day One:

2011-03-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

From Mark:

The most memorable moment of Saturday came when Peggy was choking on a caramel as we waited at the Gate at the Atlanta airport. Atleast I thought she was choking, as I maneuvered behind her to prepare to do the Heimlich, until she waved me off. Turns out she swallowed wrong and couldn’t breathe for ten seconds that felt a lot longer to her husband.

The caramel came from Donnie Haulk, of Charlotte, NC, who designs and builds churches all over the world. Peggy and I got to spend four to five hours talking to him as our 7:25pm flight to Liberia got pushed back to almost midnight. Yes, I did pull out my recorder and get my first interview with him.

The Teacher's house begins

2011-02-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

I just received the first pictures of the construction of the teacher's house in Kpeletayama. They are so excited about the teacher's house and the school. I am too! I can't wait to see the progress and visit my beloved Kpeletayama village.The first step is to make clay bricks. These children, who are helping carry the clay, will be students in the future school.The bricks are cured in the hot sun.

Today is Habakkuk's birthday

2011-01-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

Today Habakkuk would have turned four years old.

Today we celebrated Habakkuk's life.

Today we remembered that God takes the really bad stuff and brings something good out of it, if we let Him.

Today I'm still sad that I'll never hold Habakkuk until heaven. But, I'm so grateful that his life brought us to Kpeletayama village, my other home town. I'm thankful that his life continues to save the lives of many other children through his namesake well. And, more, because of Habakkuk, others are working together to build partnerships with the people in that community to bring hope.

Mark reminded me today that the book of Habakkuk in the Bible is about how God uses terrible circumstances to bring about His good plan. If we want to do something good, we get some good people to do it. But, God can even use bad people to accomplish His purposes. The death of a child due to unsafe water is tragic. But God... I love that phrase. But God didn't leave Habakkuk's death as the last chapter, but the begin of a whole new chapter. The first chapter was the well. The next chapter is the school.

Today I celebrate Habakkuk's life. He reminds me that every life matters.
Happy Birthday, Habakkuk.

I got a teacher's house for Christmas

2011-01-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

This is similar to what the house will look like.

My Christmas wish this year was a house for the teacher for the future school in Kpeletayama, Liberia. The best time to build is during the dry season, which started in October and goes until April. We were able to raise $4,600. This is enough for the house, school supplies and most of the administrative costs. Now, we just have the teacher salary for a year.

Hopefully, the house will be completed by the end of February. Meanwhile, a open hut will be constructed and an interim session of school will be held from March until June. None of the children in the area have been to school, so this will be a great introduction for them. And, we will be fully prepared for a regular school year to begin in Sept.

Donated school supplies like backpacks, pencils, notebooks, etc. were donated from Roosevelt Elementary in Eau Clarie, as part of their Christmas celebration. These items will be taken to Liberia in March.

I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for all the friends that have helped and donated. This is the best thing I've ever got for Christmas.Peggy and Pastor George, future teacher for Kpeletayama school

I talked to Michael

2011-01-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

I talked to Michael on the phone yesterday.

Oh what joy to hear his sweet small voice. Oh what pain that he is so far away.

I wasn't expecting the call. Peter called me while I was shopping and just put Michael on the phone. Peter was so pleased with Michael's english.

I got this update about Michael from Pastor Peter today:

Michael:- I called him personally the bluff boy. By his physical look he is called by this name, but he is a hard working boy. He tries to build his house out of toys brought by his mom from oversea. He is one of the kids that are aware of their going to the states any time.

I am so happy that he still loves the Legos I gave him. I am sad that he is awaiting the undefined time of his journey home.

When I told the kids that I had talked to Michael, they wanted to know when they would get to talk to him. Evelyn asked me if he thinks of them as his brother and sisters the way they think of him. Even Mark choose "fatherof5" as a password recently.

We are so, so, so ready for Michael to come home. Christmas wasn't as hard this year as it was last year, but sometimes my heart just aches. I finally went to develop some of my favorite pictures of Michael and I. It's hard sometimes, to see us together. I reach back into my mind to pull back the memories of holding him while he slept, kissing his head, and singing to him. Those used to be dreams of mine, now they are my memories. But, it's not enough. I want him here, coming through the door after school, leaving his coat on the floor asking about a snack. I want to tuck him in bed, one more time, and say one more prayer. I want him at our table for supper. In our van on the way to church. I want the wait to be over. Please, God, please open the door for our son to come home.

Next Chapter: Kpeletayama school

2010-12-19T14:15:00.001-08:00

The Next Chapter: Kpeletayama School

Bringing life and hope to a “village with nothing

Mark and Peggy Halvorsen hoped to adopt two brothers from Liberia, West Africa when their hearts were broken. In June 2009, Habakkuk, then 2 ½, died of cholera, a disease acquired from drinking contaminated water.

A clean water well was installed at Kpeletayama Village in April, 2010. Members of Global Orphan Outreach traveled to Liberia to celebrate with the village and dedicate the well to Habakkuk's memory.

Today we can rejoice that Kpeletayama village has clean safe drinking water. The impact was immediate: the high rate of typhoid, cholera, and diarrhea dropped quickly.

The Next Chapter: Kpeletayama School

During the visit to dedicate the well, we discovered that there is no education in Kpeletayama village because there is no suitable housing to offer a teacher.

Plans are being finalized to build a small home similar to the picture below to accommodate a school teacher. Books and school supplies will also be needed for the children.

The students will be taught the "old fashioned African way" – meeting under a large open hut. Education cannot wait for a school building. Please join us as we bring education to Kpeletayama village.

Costs for Kpeletayama village school:

Teacher Housing: $3,580
Accredited school teacher plus an assistant ($200 a month for 10 months): $2,000
Books, chalk, chalkboard, stationery, first aid kits: $570
Administrative costs: $600

Total cost of project: $6,750

Pastor George Sackie is a pastor and teacher, and will be the teacher at this new school. He and his wife, a nurse, are committed to serving Kpeletayama and surrounding community

A Message from Pastor Peter Flomo
Establishing the Kpeletayama Village School is a project we call "Light in Darkness." It is a drive to change the future of children born and unborn. It will tap the potential of a people who have been forgotten for generations.

Kpeletayama is a village in Liberia. It contains about eighteen huts, and is surrounded by over ten villages with similar conditions. It is a ‘village with nothing’ where the people are without basic life necessities.

Education will make our young people less vulnerable to the generational cycle of rebellion and violence in our nation. It will create hope of self- sustainability and independence in our kids and families, and our nation will be touched when girls of this village are educated.

For those with hearts for humanity, I invite your investment in this village. It is a project worth the investment and will have an eternal dividend.

- By Pastor Peter Flomo, son of the village

Please consider making a donation to bring hope through education to Kpeletayama village

To donate online using PayPal:

Go to www.globalorphanoutreach.org and click Adopt Kpeletayama Village.

To donate by mail:

Simply send your check made out to Global Orphan Outreach with “Village school” on the memo to:

Global Orphan Outreach

Attn: Kpeletayama School

P.O. Box 331

Delavan, WI 53115

Global Orphan Outreach is a 501(c)3 organization.

Your donation is tax deductible.

www.globalorphanoutreach.org . 715- 415-4401

Thank you for partnering with us to make Kpeletayama School a reality for the people of Kpeletayama Village and Suakoko District!

I want to be a Star Thrower

2010-12-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

The Starfish Story
adapted from The Star Thrower
by Loren Eiseley
1907 - 1977

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"

Few stories have gained internet popularity the way "The Star Thrower" has. Most often it's sighted as "author unknown," but it is actually a classic from 1979 written by Loren Eiseley, who has been hailed as a modern day Henry David Thoreau.

Loren Eiseley was both a scientist and a poet, and to this day his writing is the subject of much discussion and inspiration. In this story he is the "wise man" touched by the innocence and determination of another soul.

"The Star Thrower" is a classic story of the power within each one of us to make a difference in the lives of others. And though it has appeared in many forms (sometimes it's a native american man who is throwing the starfish into the sea, sometimes it's a grandfather, or a young girl or boy) it is none the less a powerful reminder that we should be here for each other, and to seek to help, even in small ways, whenever we can.

In such turbulent times as these, when we may feel alone and small and unable to make any lasting changes we may find ourselves asking "What can I do that will make a difference?" or "What can one small person like me do?"

In reality we don't have to be rich, talented or even particularly intelligent to make a difference in the life of another. We just need to remember that we ARE here for a purpose, and that making small changes in the world eventually add up to something bigger in the life of another.

When we become throwers of the stars, we too, have the power to change the world

My Christmas Wish

2010-11-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a Christmas wish, something special they dream of during this magical time of year.

This year my Christmas wish is providing education to a community of children with no school. All the proceeds of these Christmas cookies will go towards education in Kpeletayama village in Liberia, West Africa.

So, this Christmas, enjoy the taste of homemade cookies and provide a Merry Christmas for children on the other side of the world.

Each plate of Christmas has a variety of delicious Christmas cookies including traditional favorites. A plate of 15 cookies is $7.

To place an order, please call, email, or mail the following information.

Phone: (715)514-4300

Email: peghalvo@charter.net

The rest of Sat and Sun: Preparing to leave Liberia

2010-11-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

Sat afternoon Oct 30

We had to leave quickly once Pastor Peter and Donna arrived back. The children’s lawyer from the Ministry of Justice, who was in charge of writing the clearance letters, wanted to see Winnie. I quickly hugged and kissed Michael and said good bye and jumped into my place in the truck. I didn’t know then that it would be the last time I would see him before I left. I am thankful that I didn’t know, for both of us. Quick good byes are much less painful and God was merciful on me.

We picked up the children’s lawyer and took her to Winnie’s home. She asked the mother a few questions and saw Winnie’s condition. She agreed to write the clearance letter for her because she could see it was an emergency. She would not write Brown’s letter because his case is not as urgent.

We returned to the hotel late, tired and a little frustrated. We had hoped to eat at a Chinese place, but no one really had an appetite for it. One of the things that amazed and impressed me about my American teammates was their acceptance of unpredictability. There were seven of us and I don’t remember a complaint all week. We all went with the flow. No one demanded American “timeliness”. We trusted each other to do the best we could and that was enough.

I also continued to grow throughout the week in my respect for Donna. I am amazed at her ability to bring these multiple and diverse teams together. I was impressed with the cohesion of the American team. We got along really well. I was impressed with the board meeting and staff meetings I was part of. It seems that the common denominator is Donna, which has led me to say, “Any friend of Donna’s is a friend of mine.” I have rarely been close to someone as passionate and focused as she is. She has outstanding character and integrity. She is aware of her strengths and weaknesses. She brings out the best in the people around her. She is always challenging us to take the next step. Her excellence calls excellence out of us.

Sun Oct. 31

Two out of three ain’t bad. My top three desires for this trip were: seeing Michael, visiting Kpeletayama, and going to Pastor Peter’s church. I ended up spending more time with Michael than I had hoped for and I had a wonderful time in the village. But, because we didn’t have the clearance letters for Winnie and Brown, we would not be able to go to church. By Sunday morning I was so antsy, I had to do something. I already had all my things packed so I went with Pastor Peter and Donna for one last chance to get the clearance letters. We went to the children’s lawyer’s villa, the fanciest place I had seen anywhere for a long time, let alone in Liberia. How could this young woman relate to the poverty all around her? Anyway, after shuffling papers and playing on her laptop, she gave us the clearance letter for Winnie. Brown would have to wait.

We hurried back to the hotel. I had a few minutes to ask Peter anything I hadn’t thought of so far. I can’t remember anything we might have said.

We packed up our stuff, far less luggage than we started with, and prepared Winnie for the trip. We took some last pictures and headed out for the drive to the airport. I don’t remember much about the conversation. I do remember trying to enjoy every last moment.

When we arrived, everything was unloaded and the Americans went inside. Suddenly it was time to say good bye. I didn’t know that would come so soon either. Again, God’s mercy, I gave Peter, the friend who feels like a big brother, a hug and went inside.

Once inside, we checked our luggage, that wasn’t too bad. I waited for the Brussels office to open so I could find out if my missing luggage had arrived. Meanwhile, we discovered that the airline ticket that was supposed to be waiting for Winnie wasn’t there. Denise had to figure out how we were going to get a ticket and make the flight. It was really stressful. I did find out that my luggage had not arrived but I was given a contact name and number, which I gave to Peter later. I am still a little upset that I don’t know if my luggage will ever arrive. I will be so happy if Peter gets it soon. With the delays of getting Winnie’s ticket and waiting to talk to someone from Brussels Airline, Denise and I were just in time to get through security and make it to the shuttle to the plane, which is funny because it would be just as easy to walk to the plane as take the shuttle such a short distance, but they insist. As I took off my sandals to go through security, the strap of one of them broke. These shoes made it through the jungle, but airport security did them in.

Once on the plane, I see that I am seated in the middle of the middle row, my least favorite seat. I am not even close to any of my friends, which I don’t care about at the moment. When we finally took off, the plane got very dusty. I felt a little embarrassed. I’m sure the people next to me must have thought I was afraid to fly. Flying is overrated. We arrived in Accra, Ghana. I was unimpressed. The oncoming flight crew allowed us to sit together in the back of the plane with Winnie. We had enough seats to let her have her own seat to lay on. I sat next to Donna. It was good to have time to talk. I was emotionally spent again. After a glass of wine and Tylenol PM, I actually slept for most of the flight. We arrived in Atlanta. Leslie held Winnie and they put her in a wheel chair. The wheel chair got all of us through immigration and security pretty quickly. We met up with Kevin, Winnie’s host dad. Donna had to get her flight changed and Kevin tried to get an earlier flight. We said good bye and got to our gate a few minutes before boarding.

I had a window seat on the flight to MSP, that’s definitely my favorite. I’m not much of a talker on flights. I think I only exchanged a dozen or less words with the man sitting next to me, although he seemed very kind. I finished typing the notes from the trip and rested. I was really tired. At this point, I just wanted to get home.

Denise, Leslie and I arrived in MSP. It was cold. I did put on my shoes and sweater before landing, but that’s all I had. We made our way towards baggage claim where my enthusiastic family greeted me with flowers and plenty plenty hugs. It was good to see them. Everyone helped carry luggage and we all piled into the van. Mark dropped Denise and Leslie off on the way and we surprised my parents. It was fun to share my experience with them. I think my dad was still a little dumbfounded. He said, “Our family doesn’t do stuff like this.” Later Mark said I should have told him that now our family DOES do stuff like this.

I really believe we were all born with a need to do good. If we would step out, we would find what we've been made for all along. I'm not special. I'm not amazing. I just found the opportunity to do what I was made to do.

Saturday in Liberia

2010-11-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

I went shopping with Sebol, Joseph, and Leslie. I bought 5 dresses for $25. Two of them are for friends of Donna. And I got one for myself. I think it’s pretty. I plan on wearing it home tomorrow since I don't really have other clothes to wear.
So, we headed out towards Peter’s house. I saw Michael again. He came to me. I pumped up a soccer ball that doesn’t hold air very well and Michael and I played soccer together. We invited another friend to play and took turns kicking the ball back and forth. Then we sat for a while. It was the first day I saw him that he didn’t have a fever. He climbed on my lap anyway and fell asleep. What a gift! What a blessing. I wish I could remember forever the feeling of holding him in my arms. I will treasure it always. I didn’t know if I would ever experience him sleeping in my arms. He slept for a long time. I rocked him and sang to him and prayed over him and kissed his head. Even after he awoke, he stayed on my lap. I talked a little to Oretha. She is an amazing woman. She goes to nursing school Thurs. Fri, and Sat. and goes to the hospital on Mon Tues and Wed. When I asked her how many of her children still lived at home, she said they are all of mine. Beautiful answer. She is a beautiful woman.

Beauty, not the rubble

2010-10-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

I have delayed thinking about leaving. And I'm not sure what to feel about it now. I hope Mother Teresa's quote is true: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." Because I have surely loved until it hurts, deeply. I have come across the world only to find myself at home. However, a joy is growing deep in my soul. As long as I never forget the love and laughter, family and friendship here, it will always be with me. I have so much to do when I get home, it feels a little overwhelming. But, these memories and God's strength will encourage me in my weakness.

"This may not be the road I would have chose for me, but it still feels right some how. I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now. This is what it feels like to be led"

Everyone said coming here would change me, but I didn't understand how. When I first arrived, I said that Liberia has beauty amidst the rubble. I have found such beauty. And it is the beauty, not the rubble that has changed me.

More pictures

2010-10-29T13:36:00.001-07:00

Me and a lady from the village by a papaya tree.
Liberian sunset
Liberian sunrise

Michael 3

2010-10-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

This morning we went back to Pastor Peter’s house to have a special breakfast with the nannies. They are the caregivers for the kids with special needs in the Forget Me Not children’s home project. They are really wonderful women who care deeply for the children they are responsible for. This is unique in Liberian culture. One of the beautiful things about this is that the kids with special needs live right next to Pastor Peter’s house so all his children (biological and foster) all know each other. The breakfast went really well. For more about FMN go to http://forgetmenotchildrenshomes.blogspot.com/

Today I saw Michael right away when we pulled in, but he played shy for a while. The kids there all call me Michaelmom. So, I have another Liberian name. Today Michael is much better and doesn’t want to be held as much. But, he is starting to understand since I’m here he gets special privileges. The nannies had donuts for breakfast, but the other children weren’t allowed to have any. With me standing by his side, Michael helped himself to not one, but two donuts. Funny! Now my friends wonder if I’m spoiling him already. Really? : )

Today I brought the little photo album of pictures. There were a few pictures of Michael and some family pictures. He paged through them over and over. I told him everyone’s name and how they are related to him. When he saw the picture of him and Varney, he said, “Varney.” That was cool because he has only said a few words. I think about it like meeting your newborn. I talk, he listens. Lots of the kids wanted to look at Michael’s pictures. It was interesting to see who he would let look at it and who he didn’t. He knows his friends well.

We blew more bubbles and just hung out. It was a good day. He smiles when I ask him to. I’ve seen him giggle a little. It is such a blessing to be with him.

Michael 2

2010-10-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

Today we went back to Pastor Peter’s house. Christina, director of Forget- me- Not, is meeting with the nannies to do training and physical therapy for the kids with special needs. I thought Michael was in school, so I wasn’t looking for him. He wasn’t in school and he found me! He was really hot again. I took him to Christina to have her look at him. His temp was 103.2. She gave him some medicine right away and Josephus, her Liberian partner in FMN ministry, said he has malaria and gave me medicine for him. I took it to Peter’s wife. I know her name, but can’t spell it. Anyway, she will give him the medicine.

I also had Christina look behind his ear. He had some drainage. There is an infected cut there. So, I took antiseptic cream and cleaned it. She also gave some cream to help that clear up.

He didn’t have any energy again. So I carried him, rocked him and sang to him again. I kissed his head and held him close. Oh how I wish I would never forget how it feels to hold him. I am concerned that he is sick, but thankful I could be here to hold him.

After a little bit, his fever broke. And he climbed off my lap. I didn’t follow him, and after a few minutes he came back with his Legos. I was thrilled! He climbed back on my lap and I saw the tower that he had made on his own. Well done! We decided to make one of the houses from the directions. Another boy, probably about 10, helped. I like him. So, we played with Legos for a while. After we were done, I got out some bubbles I had brought. I gave Michael one wand and I took one and we blew bubbles for the other children. While we were doing that, Pastor Peter walked by and said, “Now I am beginning to understand why American kids are spoiled.” It was so funny. I thought, Peter, you haven’t seen anything, all I did was give him a backpack for school, Legos for his birthday (it’s next week, he will be six) and some bubbles to play with.

Way too soon it was time to go. I hugged him and kissed him and told him I would be back tomorrow.

Habakkuk's grave

2010-10-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

I forgot to finish my story about Michael and Habakkuk's grandma's house. So, I asked these two young men where grandma's house is. They showed me the place her hut used to be. I think then I asked about where Habakkuk was buried and they said,"Do you want to know? It's right here." And literally 20 steps from Grandma's house is a oval ring of stones the size of a small dining room table. This is Habakkuk's grave.

I knew that after the grandpa had died, the grandma had asked for Habakkuk to come to her. Michael actually stayed in Monrovia. It was while Habakkuk was there that he got cholera. The grandma told the boys to bury him close to her. So, they buried him on the other side of the footpath. Which, get this, is about 30 steps from Habakkuk's well.

It was meaningful to see his grave, but it meant more to sit by the well and outline the letters of his name- Habaku. Habaku's life brought life to his village, my village. And his life goes on.

Kpeletayama village continued

2010-10-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

We walked back the way we came, only to find that Pastor Peter's truck had a flat tire. And, no spare. Not a great place for a flat. We walked up the hill to where Peter's parents live and got cell phone reception there. Peter called Professor Flomo and told them to come for the tire. They came and got the tire, drove to a town to get it repaired and then drive back to us. This may sound simple but it took hours. God was merciful. We had a good time relaxing after a busy day and just being together. No one complained, not even the pampered Americans. I learned more about farm life in Liberia and realized how much at home I feel at Kpeletayama, much more than in Monrovia. Now, I call myself "the girl from the small village". I used to just think I was the girl from a small town.

Also, very important. The women of the village gave me a Kpele name. I am called Younger (pronounced: youn ga, actually it's really hard to explain the right way to say it, but that's close). Everyone says it's a good name. Now, I am considered part of the village.

We arrived home late and very tired. However, we laughed and joked all the way home. It was much bumpier on the drive home b/c it is so much harder to see the pot holes, which gave me great appreciation for how smooth our drive up was. Anyway, I haven't laughed so much for a long time. My sides hurt. Our team has wonderful humor and friendship. We are family.

Even with some trouble, everyone agreed it was a good, good day. A beautiful day.

Pictures so far

2010-10-28T10:49:00.001-07:00

Michael and I. he started feeling better after the medicine kicked in. He has malaria. Very high fever and low energy. But, it was wonderful to hold him and rock him and sing to him.

Me by the choco bean.
Michael with his soccer ball. He really likes soccer.

We will consolidate our pictures at the end of the trip, but these are some of mine so far.

Kpeletayama village

2010-10-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

At 6 am Wed. am, we left for Kpeletayama village. This is the village where Michael, Habukkuk and Pastor Peter were born. We drove to Kakata first and stopped to give gifts to the Weir’s sponsored children and took lots of pictures. We stopped to buy more lollipops for the children. Then we were on the road again. Next though Salala and Tatatu. Somewhere in there we stopped at the Ku Ku Nest Coffee Shop. Last potty break before the bush.

The road up to that point was pretty good. After getting off the paved road with pot holes, we went on a road that would be great for four wheel driving. : ) I loved it! Others in the car weren’t so excited. I get to sit in the middle of the front seat. Great view! Peter is an excellent driver.

Oh, on the way, I asked Peter the names of many trees. There was some teasing that maybe Peter should watch the road instead of look at trees. I learned about banana trees, papaya, palm, cotton, and mango trees. Very fun.

So, the last couple of miles was through the rain forest. It was very exciting. We arrived at the end of the road. Some children had been watching for us. They ran back to the village to tell of our arrival. Peter explained that the road was built after his sister died of labor complications and died in the hammock carrying her to the main road where they hoped to catch a ride to Phoebe hospital. He told the people they needed to build a road or no hope could come to the village. Now, you can drive almost all the way there.

We walked the last part. The bridge over the first stream was washed away, so we had to walk through the water. It was a little slippery getting in, but OK. The next stream was bigger and there was still a log over it, but the hand rail was gone from last time. I was carrying my backpack, but got across fine. The village was only a first steps away.

The village women welcomed us with hugs and greetings. Habakkuk’s well was right in front of me. It was very good to see. So far, my emotions were steady. We had a meeting right away. Pastor Peter welcomed us to the village and told us some sad news. Another sister of Peter’s was rushed to the hospital with severe bleeding. I prayed that God would spare Peter’s sister. Please, God, not again. May this road save her life.

The first thing we did was wash our feet with a bucket of water from Habakkuk’s well. It was a beautiful greeting.

Then Donna introduced our team. She introduced me last and asked me to talk about my involvement in the well. I talked, I don’t remember much of what I said, but I do remember saying that Pastor Peter told me that Habakkuk isn’t really dead, because of the well he is alive. And, if Jesus is your Savior than you are my brothers and sisters. Peter had been translating for me, but when I said that, he asked someone else to translate. He was getting dust in his eyes.

After that, we tried as well as we could to organize the medical clinic and clothes & toys area. It was a little difficult. I was trying to give out boy clothes. The clothes I had were 18 mon to 3T, so the older boys got matchbox cars. After seeing me struggle, a man from the village stepped in to help me. He was really helpful. I also gave him the soccer balls and pump, but then I had to ask for it back to pump up three more soccer balls. The teen boys were SO excited. I guess the village has a team and they play against other villages. However, they overinflated one of the balls and then were fighting over it and it popped. The boy who caused the problem looked like he was going to cry. But, he asked me to take of picture of him with the broken ball anyway.)

I asked a couple of young men where Michael and Habakkuk had lived. Grandma's house was gone. (I'll finish this part later)

When the medical supplies were gone and the candy was given out, it was time to go. We packed up our things

Michael

2010-10-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

This morning I met my son Michael for the first time.

Everyone, especially Peter, was anxious for me to meet him. He was in school, so Peter took me over to the school and called for Michael to come out. I had no idea how it would feel, but actually, it was anticlimactic. Peter introduced me to him as his Mama. He was really, really shy. I gave him the soccer ball from my brother-in-law & family. And showed him the backpack and supplies I brought. He sat on my lap and I held him.

After a few minutes, Peter invited me to the back of the house where there is a large tree and a cool breeze. I held Michael and I gave him the legos. I showed him how to use them and which way they stick together and we played with them for a long time. In the mean time, I gave the kids around us peppermints. I didn't let them play with Michael's Legos and neither did he. After a while, he seemed tired and we put them away.

Peter had said that Michael had been "hot headed". I figured out quickly that he meant Michael had a fever. After Legos, he started shaking. His head was really warm. I scooped him up on my lap and rocked him. He cuddled into my chest and I began to sing to him. The first song was Jesus Love Me. I just held him and rocked him, kissed his head and sang. Peter walked by and asked if I had dust in my eyes, I really hadn't noticed the couple of tears. I had brought some children's Tylenol and I asked that he have some. Peter's wife gave him some. After a while, his fever seemed to be a little better and we shared a banana.

Then we get the Legos out again and built a really tall tower. Michael caught on to them really fast I was impressed with his creativity. And observation skills. He watched how I held the Legos to make sure they didn't fall apart while he was building and soon he was doing the same thing.

I asked some of the girls to "plate my hair. That got a lot of attention, with much laughing. At least it's cooler.

Then it was time to say good bye. I scooped up Michael, kissed him and hugged him and said I would be back. And, that I loved him. There was a little dust in my eyes as we left.

Liberia

2010-10-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

Arriving in Liberia.

Maybe it was because I was tired and sore, maybe I just didn't have enough energy, but arriving in Liberia wasn't exactly how I thought it would be. We arrived a half hour early. So, I was slow gettting off the plane, I wasn't sure when or if my ride was coming. I was last to go through the check in. Since i wasn't planning on coming alone, I had no idea where I was staying. And that caused some problems at the window. The offical said they could send me back for not having an address. The man behind the window whispered to put some money in the passport. I stuck a $20 in and then there was no problem. Next I waited for luggage. Then the President arrived so everything shut down. When it started, my luggage wasn't there. (the carry on suitcase they made me check in MSP) I was last in line for filing a missing luggage report. Then I was last out of the airport, and no one was there. Three or four men were trying to help me. One was trying to call the only number I knew, which turned out not to be the number I could right her at anyway. After about 15 min, a white truck drove up, and the men said, "There are your friends!" Yes, it was them. So, then I cried. I tried not to, but really. And I haven't even told what happened in Brussels. I'm too mad. Let's just say a nasty woman cost me $254.

So, I met Pastor Peter and gave him a big hug. I was so glad to see him. They fixed my missing baggage claim so that they can call Peter when it comes in. Apparently it was likely in First Class since it was checked at the gate, but they must not have checked. Anyway, the airport is not in Monrovia, so we had a long drive.

We had pizza of all things when we got back. And I settled in our bed and breakfast. It's quite nice, considering the ads I saw in the airport were advertising hotels that had 24 hr electricity, hot and cold water and 6 channels. I found that humorous. I took a shower and went to bed.

Breakfast was good. Yes, we have coffee. I also had mango juice. It's OK. And then off to Peter's house. There are two main roads that are paved like US streets, one is double lanes, if that means anything, b/c the rules are drive however you can, just try not to hit someone. It's a little uncomfortable for some of my companions, but it doesn't bother me. My sit is the middle of the front b/c I'm the smallest. I like it b/c I can see everything.

It's not a shock to me. I'm not sure why, but it feels normal. Like I'm not really visiting for the first time. Maybe a good way to describe it is there are flowers growing in the rubble, if you are looking for them, they are everywhere.

Not what I would have chosen

2010-10-23T18:10:00.001-07:00

Well, thanks to Obama I missed my connecting flight in
Atlanta. I and about 10 other people missed the flight
by about 10 min. The plane was still there, but we
weren't allowed to board. That, after running with
a 50 lb backpack on my back through the airport.

I am staying at the Wynham Gardens in Atlanta tonight
and fly out tomorrow at 5:50pm to Brussels (not even
funny)then to Monrovia. I will arrive in Monrovia at
4:30 pm on Mon.

My baggage is flying with me as it did not make the
flight either.

I have neither cell phone or credit card with me. I
didn't need either in Monrovia.

I have met many angels today though. Strangers who
have shown me kindness. That is the blessing b/c I am
facing many things I would not have chosen. Mainly:
~I did not want to fly alone from MSP let alone all the
way to Monrovia.
~I did not want to fly through Brussels, yet that is
the only way there now.

My backpack made it through as a carry on, thank GOD!
But, my carry on w/wheel did not. It was checked at no
extra charge, which turns out to be a blessing. As
trekking with the bp is plenty plenty (as they say
in Liberia). And, my backpack has the stuff I need,
so that was good.

So, that's the end of the first day of this God-
ordained trip (I believe that, even if it doesn't
feel like it right now.)

I leave for Liberia in the morning

2010-10-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I leave for Liberia in the morning and I should go to bed now. I have joy in my heart and peace in my mind. I can rest.

Uncommon

2010-10-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am doing a very unamerican thing, maybe it's plain unnatural:
I am choosing to move towards the pain.

I was talking to someone this weekend and told them about my hope to see Varney, even though we can't adopt him. She asked why I would do that to myself. I found it difficult to explain. I am choosing to see Michael and leave Liberia without him. I am choosing to visit Habbakuk's well and let that life-giving water flow over my fingers as I weep.

Life is a cup of joy and sorrow. We can either choose to drink all of it or none at all. If I am too careful and only try to sip the parts I want, I miss the fullness. I am comforted by Job: "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" With hope and faith, I accept it all. Whether God gives or takes away. I want to bless His name.

I am choosing the road less traveled, and less traveled for good reason! As the song below says, "What if the right was harder than the wrong thing, but I did it anyway?" What if I choose to enter the brokenness and pain of people and wasn't afraid it would overwhelm me? What if I reached the bottom of my own strength and found out His strength really is sufficient for me?

I know it's Uncommon, but I'm not the only one who is thinking that way.

To hear song go to: http://westarprogramsonline.com/tonydungy/

"UNCOMMON"
Written by: Matthew West
© 2009 Songs by Delaney (ASCAP)

What if there's something bigger for me out there
Than the comfort of a life on this middle ground?
I've played it safe but now I can't help but wonder
If maybe I've been missing out
'Cause I look around and see a sea of people
Everybody's moving in the same direction
And I think it's time to break away, break away

CHORUS
I wanna finally take the road less traveled
I wanna run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I'm livin'
And call itUncommon

What if the right thing was harder than the wrong thing
But I did it anyway?
Standing strong even when no one else was watching
What if I really lived that way?
Every heart has it's defining moment
This is mine and I'm not gonna miss it

CHORUS

I don't care if it makes me look different
I'm never letting go of my convictions
Let the world see the life I'm livin'
And call it Uncommon

What if I made it to the end of my days here
Only to find that my legacy is nowhere to be found
I don't wanna waste another second
Give me the strength to start right now

Still true

2010-10-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

I wrote this post a few months ago as I thought about what this trip would mean to me. It's still true.

http://journeytolove-peggy.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-love-you-all-time.html

Radio interview on Front Page

2010-10-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today Mark had me on Front Page to talk about our adoption journey and my upcoming trip to Liberia.

Listen at:
fpx10-18-10.mp3

(The first 15 min is political update. I'm after that.)

Before a heartache can ever touch my life,

2010-10-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

it has to go through Your Hands.

I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, I'll trust Y0u.

Well, I found another song to express my heart. Tonight I found out that there was another meeting in Liberia about Varney. His uncle is committed to keeping his relatives together. Varney will be reunified with relatives and not returned to Pastor Peter. He will not be available for adoption.

If you have followed my story, you know I have wrestled and prayed and longed for God's best for the boys I love. And I chose to trust that this is God's plan for our Varney. May he be all that God designed for him to be.

I can probably still see him on my trip, and I hope to. Yes, I realize how bittersweet that will be, but if I could have met Habakkuk before we lost him, I would have.

I don't understand what God's good plan is for me and for the pain I experience, but I chose to believe it is for my good and God's glory. Please pray for me and the kids, as I have not told them yet. And, if you can come next Tues or Fri night at 7 pm to my house to pray for me and my trip to Liberia, please come.

Long Overdue Update

2010-10-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

I am going to Liberia Oct. 23 to Nov 1 to visit the boys and the well. I'm  really
excited, but it doesn't seem real yet. If you want to send anything, I'm  hoping to
take soccer balls (deflated) and match box cars. Also, basic  children's med. and
vitamins. I will leave a week before Michael's sixth  birthday.   

I didn't want to say anything sooner, but we almost lost Varney. His uncle who lives
in the US was back in Liberia to visit and was upset about Varney  being at Pastor
Peter's house. So, he was removed for a few weeks. Finally, the  police and a gov.
agency had a hearing and the uncle was a no-show. Varney  should be going back to
Peter's house soon. And, in the end, it should end any  further questions about
Varney's eligibility for adoption.

Things are moving in Liberia as far as the adoption goes. There has been a lot 
of progress and we hope to know soon how much longer it will be. My prayer is 
that by Christmas, we will know when we will travel to bring them home.

Glory!

2010-08-17T13:20:00.001-07:00

I got a call this morning that the adoption meeting in Liberia was not only rescheduled, but IT HAPPENED! Yes, the meeting happened. The outcome of the meeting was VERY positive. I am hesitatingly optimistic. We will pray that the goals of this meeting become reality.

Clarify

2010-08-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have heard from a few people that they thought that the little boy, Varney, that died was our Varney, he is not. Our Varney is doing fine. I am very sorry for the misunderstanding. The little boy that died lived with his mother and had been suffering from a disease that caused his head to swell. He was waiting for a medical visa to receive treatment, but the visa didn't get approved in time.

To learn more about Varney and others like him, go to:
http://globalorphanoutreach.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html
This is a recent picture of Varney (on left) and Michael (on right). We continue to sponsor them and look forward to sending them to school in the fall. We are told they are very good rice eaters and healthy. Varney is sweet and sensitive. Michael is creative with strong leadership skills. They are loved and cared for with their foster family and for that we are very thankful. Micheal calls us "his white people". I am really looking forward to going to see them in Oct. Yes, I am planning to fly to Liberia Oct.23 for one week. It won't be long enough, and I'm told that I'm not allowed to pack a suitcase of Kleenex. (I plan to bring cloth hankies and just dry them out instead!) We are planning a day to visit Kpeletayama village, where Habukkuk's well is. I am beginning to raise money for a school in the village. I will need around $5500 to $6000 for that project. I will have more info coming soon.

A little numb

2010-08-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Here is the email I just received. I feel a little numb.

Hello
Today was a day of major disappointment and tragic news.

Peter waited 4 hours for a meeting that did not take place nor did anyone seem to know anything about. He was shown Christina Tah (MOJ) schedule for the day and it showed no meeting for adoption even though earlier in the week he was assured there was a meeting scheduled for that day.

Peter said he will wait no more for this meeting but take things on himself. He along with a congressman and another guy (cant remember his involvement) are taking their case of adoptions to Christina Tah themselves. He has put in for a meeting personally with her himself and will be granted such he said. They feel that this issue must be resolved now more than ever. Why?

Because sadly today- after advocating for him for two years- Special needs Varney passed away. He cried out in the middle of the night and vomited. His mother called Peter to help take him to the hospital in the morning- morning came and he had passed away by then. We had just made arrangements for his care in Uganda and Peter was going to be working on passports for him this coming week. Varney's family couldnt believe that someone in America would care enough to help him. They were ecstatic. Now this has happened and of course they are devastated. Please keep his family in your prayers today.

Peter showed Varney's picture to those in the MOJ today and they couldnt believe that such a child existed in their country. They of course praised Peter for helping him. Peter said it is NOT about me-these children need help. They need the resource of adoption. He is going to share Varney's story with everyone he meets along with Matthew's story ( a little boy we lost last year who was 2 weeks away from traveling to the U.S. for medical help) and kids who are special needs in FMN. He feels they will open the door for others to go who wait in foster care.

As hard as it is to be a waiting family on this end, try being in his shoes where he sees his own people deny children help that they need and children he has to help bury because of it. Please keep this all in prayer as we continue to advocate for all children in Liberia. The need is great and the workers few.

With Open Hands

2010-08-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

Since our home study update meeting in June, I have been waiting with open hands to see what God would give or take away. The song, "Blessed Be Your Name' has been my prayer all summer. I have been waiting for direction on what to do next: Should we continue to wait for Liberia to open or pursue foster care adoption instead. I wanted to be open, but it has been so hard. I love our boys in Liberia. I know I always will and, regardless of where they live, we will always be involved in taking care of them.

Last Sunday, Mark and I went on an early morning walk. As we talked and prayed, Mark shared how much he hoped that the door would open to adopt Michael and Varney. It was really meaningful to me because he doesn't usually express deep emotion about it. I felt like it was a leading from God. When we got back home, I checked my email and received good news, for the first time in months, regarding adoption from Liberia.

Here's the email:

I want to let you know that the meeting on Wednesday with the Minister of
Justice Christiana Tah went very well!  Maria and I are very encouraged.  She
listened to myself and the other two American families very intently in our
private meeting with her.  We were able to share the facts about children in
America and Canada that have been adopted from Liberia.

I am very impressed with Minister Tah.   She made it very clear that she is
going to take care of the problems that we have incurred in bringing our
children home with decrees.  She sympathizes with the families that have been
waiting  and is asking them to wait until the next meeting (public hearing) on
Friday, August 6th; to know her exact plans for the future of adoption.  She
stated that no one will walk away from the meeting on the 6th and not understand
the future of adoption in Liberia.  I am certain, however, after our
conversation with her that she will do everything in her power to expedite these
waiting adoptions with decrees.

Minister Tah made it very clear in our meeting that she understands the problems
on the Liberian side that need to be fixed and she will fix them.  She also
realizes that the vast majority of adopted Liberian children are thriving in
Canada and America!  I was able to present her with the book of letters and
photos.  Thank you all for helping me with that.  She will have the 2nd copy
delivered to the President’s office.

 She herself went to school in America and knows the truth about adoption!  I
will give more details after the meeting on the 6th.  This is certainly a
praise.  As Maria and I discussed the meeting with Minsiter Tah we are truly
encouraged and grateful to the Lord that He has brought a woman into power such
as this, who will truly be a voice for the Liberian child.

I fly out of Liberia today.  Thank you so much for your prayers.  I apologize
for not emailing more, it was much more difficult than I thought to do so.

Again, it seemed like a light to our path. After the email, our family got ready to go to an adoption fund raising event in Colfax for "Saving Lera". Peder Eide lead worship. It was great to see him again. While the kids and I played on the teeter totter, we pretended that Michael and Varney were with us teeter tottering too. The kids continued the imagining, by taking turns holding the boys as we walked around.

So, here I sit. It's Friday morning. I should find out in about an hour if the meeting really happened. It has been canceled twice already. And if this door will open.

FFH: Lord, Move or Move Me

"Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me."

Important Adoption Meeting- Please pray

2010-07-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

Please pray for an upcoming meeting in Liberian regarding adoption. This is a really important meeting and could really effect our adoption. The details of the meeting are below from two separate emails I received, so there is a little overlap in information. The mentioned "Pastor Peter" is our boys' foster dad and a very excellent public speaker.

Thank you for your prayers.
Peggy

This is an adoption update- I was sent the message below and it was also posted on the adoption yahoo group. There is a meeting taking place on Friday in regards to the adoption process in Liberia and what will happen next. Pst Peter, Josephus, and Professor Flomo, all who represent Global Orphan Outreach and our programs, will be in attendance at this meeting. They will be your voice of adoption and for your kids. And even though adoption agencies are pushing their agendas, they are making sure that they have a right to represent you in your adoptions as well.

Please be in prayer for this meeting. Also, Professor has to travel over 3 hours one way to attend this meeting. If any of you can spare funds to put towards his gas expense, it would be much appreciated. Just let me know. I will give you an update on this meeting just as soon as I am informed.

"I have been asked by Maria Luyken in Liberia to inform all of you of a major event regarding Liberian Children taking place July 16, 2010 and invite you to attend.

I am overjoyed to share with you that Maria Luyken was able to have a private meeting with the head of the Ministry of Justice in Liberia last week. To put this in perspective, the Minister of Justice Christina Todd is who the President puts in charge of the country when she is traveling abroad.

As a result of Maria’s meeting with her, Minister Todd has announced that a public forum will be held with all adoption agencies, adoptive parents and other stakeholders in Liberian Adoption on July 16, 2010.

This public forum will allow the adoption agencies in Liberia to present their case to her regarding difficulties they have experienced over the past year in processing the adoptions with decrees. This forum will give the adoption agencies the opportunity to come together as one united voice and to confront the problems they have had with specific government facets in regards to adoption.

The President of Liberia, (Ellen Shirleaf) has requested that the Minister of Justice investigate the Adoption situation in Liberia. President Shirleaf has asked her to “fix the problems” regarding adoption. The Minister of Justice will make a final decision on lifting the moratorium (ban) on adoption here in Liberia from her personal investigation and from the information she gleans from the public forum on July 16^th. We believe the Lord has put this woman in leadership at the Ministry of Justice in order to defend these precious children of Liberia that currently do not have a voice.

All of the Adoption Agencies in Liberia are invited to participate as are adoptive parents of Liberian children and all those who are passionate about the cause of the Liberian child."

Dear All,
I spoke with all local representatives of adoption agencies in Liberia on Friday
(July 9) about the planned July 17th confirmed date for the Adoption meeting with Honorable Christiana Tah, the Minister of Justice, Republic of Liberia.

I still do not have the exact venue and time, but I do know that amongst the guests that will be invited to the meeting will include: Mrs. Jenny Bernard (sister of President Sirleaf), UNICEF, MOH, Orphanages, biological and adopting Parents, Adoption Agencies, and Children Advocacy Groups. I will write again by Wednesday (14 July) to inform you about the venue and time.

As you are all aware, this is our only opportunity to tell the truth regarding Liberian adoption to the Liberian public. With this as a background, I am asking all parents across the board to pray for this meeting so that the truth may be known that children can once again have the opportunity for a better future.

Please allow me to caution each of you to be mindful that upon entering the place of the meeting on 17 July, everyone in attendance would have heard the lies, accusation, finger pointing and propaganda. Many have been influenced by all they have heard, so the burden will be on each one of us to show and prove
otherwise.

If anyone in particular wants a specific question, issue or concern raised as a collective, I’ll be delighted to pass those along to the Minister of MOJ before the meeting.

Let us all continue to pray for the plight of the Children of Liberia and that this meeting give hope once again to innocent children for an improved life and a better future.

Bittersweet

2010-07-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

One year ago I received the news that
our little boy, Habakkuk,died of cholera
in his village, Kpeletayama, in Liberia.
He was 2 1/2 yrs old and we planned
on adopting him. Today, because of
the love and support of friends, there
is a clean water well in that village.This

summer, no children are dying of
water contamination diseases. So, our
sorrow is obvious, I still ache for the
little boy I never knew, and yet, I have
joy that his life changed a village. His
life brought hope to his community; 500 people in his
village and surrounding areas benefit from this well.

Habakkuk's Well has an inscription dedicating it in
memory of Habakkuk. However, no one in the village can
read it since everyone is illiterate. But, this "village with
nothing" now has a future. Plans are being made to bring
a school to the village. First, a "real" house needs to be
built since not many educated people are willing to live in
a mud and thatch house. The house will cost about $3500.
Next, we will raise support to pay the teacher and purchase
curriculum. School will be outside under a pole and leave
structure.

If you are interested in supporting this project
please mail your donation to:


Mark and Peggy Halvorsen

2920 Bobbie St

Eau Claire, WI 54703

Write the check to: Fellowship church

Please write Kpeletayama village school

in the memo.

Also please pray for us as we
consider more options regarding
adoption. Liberia continues to be close. There is no way of
knowing how long it will remained closed. We currently
sponsor two boys, Michael and Varney, that we would very
much like to adopt. We continue to pray for God's will for
our boys. And, it may be for them to be our kids that grow up
in Liberia. In light of that, we are open to other adoption
options. If another match was found, such as through WI
special needs/foster care adoption, we would seriously
consider it. This process has been so painful for me, as some
of you know. Pray for wisdom and peace for our family as we
look for what God has ahead for us.
Thank you for your love and interest in our journey,
Peggy
                                             Varney and Michael

I love you all the time

2010-05-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I had reached a sense of peace, a level of faith that I would trust God to do His best for our boys and for us, a trust that He loved them so much and has good, good plans for them and yet right now it really, really hurts.

This morning I was thinking about Michael and the words that came to me were: You have never been unloved.

I have prayed for a little boy in Africa for the past 5 years. I remember well the first time that feeling came over me and I knew that I had a little son in Africa.

And for Varney: You have never been unwanted.

I am going to Liberia in October to visit the boys if nothing new happens with the adoption. I try to imagine meeting them. I want to spend so much time with them. I want to stay at their house and be with them. I have avoided this trip so far; I could have gone sooner, but I didn't want to endure the pain. When I told one of my friends that I was going she asked me, "How will you leave?" I thought she meant how will I make arrangements to leave my family in Eau Claire, but she meant how will I leave my boys in Liberia. I don't know. I really don't. But I know in my heart that it's time to make this trip.

I hope that I fully live and love and laugh in Liberia and save my tears for the long flight home. I don't want to hold back anything. What have I got to lose? Part of my heart is already in Liberia.

One of my lines came back to me from a friend recently: Don't waste the pain.
I often say let your brokenness become the gift you have to give a hurting world. I'm not sure I know what this gift I am given will be, but I don't want it to be wasted.

This is not the journey I would have chosen, but it is the one I have been given. I chose to embrace it all. Joy and sorrow are part of the same cup and the One who gives it is good.

the waiting

2010-05-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes is gets hard to have people ask if we have any updates, not because I don't want people to ask, I do, it means a lot to know so many people remember and care, but because we so often don't have any update. (Sorry for the really long awkward sentence)

Well, Liberia has decided to become a Hague country, which for those who don't know, means that they will join the many countries that have signed on to international adoption standards. That's the easiest way I can explain it. Well, there are no Hague accredited adoption agencies in Liberia, so we have to find one that is interested in applying. We have a friend working on that. After we apply to that agency, we will have to wait to see when Liberia will be accepting new adoption cases. In the mean time, we are updating our home study, s l o w l y. Because, really, why hurry?

I have it in my heart to go to Liberia at the end of August, but unless something really miraculous happens, that is unlikely.

And if I can really share my heart, trying to understand God's good plan for the boys and for us is really hard. Actually, last weekend I had a sort of breakthrough. I remembered that God is the Father to the fatherless and He is the one who puts orphans in families. He does love our boys. And so, I continue to pray: Father, may Your will be done in Michael and Varney's lives, and in ours too. Amen.

Water: Hope for a village

2010-04-17T14:12:00.000-07:00

Habakkuk's Well is complete. Our dream to bring clean water to Habakkuk's community in memory of him is a reality. Today people are drinking clean water instead of water that made them sick and sometimes die

It's a very surreal feeling knowing that you are part of changing the future of a whole community of people. Children that won't die this summer, instead they will grow up. Young men and women that will be healthier and stronger to better provide for their families. It opens up a new future for these people. It is hope.

This is the engraving on the well. Our memorial to the little boy we loved and lost, but whose life gave hope to his community.

Sending our love...

2010-03-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am preparing another package to send to the boys. A good friend is going to Liberia next week. She will see our boys and give them our package. I'm sending some more matchbox cars, colors and coloring books, but the teacher in me can't resist sending a tablet of paper, pencils, and flash cards of letters and numbers.

I also prepared a special little photo album for each of them with pictures of us. This is the first time we are sending our pictures to them. I'm anxious to know what their reaction will be, what kinds of questions they will ask.

We are preparing to renew our home study as well. It's pretty discouraging because we don't have any clear timeline. Every answer we get is "soon". I am still hoping for this summer and maybe we will get some clarity after my friend returns from this trip.

The loving and longing continue, but at least there is a package going to Liberia that is sending our love.

Habakkuk's well construction begins tomorrow!

2010-03-09T17:37:00.000-08:00

I am really excited to tell you that the well will begin construction tomorrow (Wed). After we raised the money for the well, we partnered with Global Front, a non profit that is in Liberia that Global Orphan Outreach has partnered with before. Global Front will oversee the construction of the well for us. This is a lot cheaper than flying someone there to make sure it is done right! But, it does have some costs. Global Front is making three trips out to the village and staying there overnight as well as doing reports and paperwork for us. They will also do the training to make sure the community knows how to maintain their well too. So, if you didn't have a chance to donate to this project or are wiling to make another donation, please don't hesitate. We already sent over half the money for the well and for Global Front but we need $450 to send for the final payment. This payment will be sent in about 2 weeks, as they will need the rest of the money to purchase supplies to finish the well. A team of people will be going to Liberia in the beginning of April. They plan on visiting the well and taking pictures so we can all celebrate this life changing project. Thanks for your time in reading my email and considering further partnership.

http://www.globalorphanoutreach.com/HabakkuksWell.html

Another diamond

2010-02-25T13:26:00.000-08:00

I realize now that some of my posts are not making sense to some of you who haven't talked to me in person lately. I've wanted to keep things simple, but usually things happen at the same time. So, during this time when Mark and I have been focusing on Habakkuk's Well, another wonderful thing happened. We became aware that Michael has a foster brother, Varney. We decided a few months ago that we would adopt him. We have since been sent pictures of the two of them. They are adorable!

And, the second very important thing is that the tragic case of the adoptive family in CA is NOT going to impact adoptions in Liberia. We are still waiting for the government to finish updating the adoption laws and accept new cases, but we have hope that it may happen in March or April and we are very much hoping and praying to travel to Liberia this summer.

So, if you have followed my blog, you know that the diamonds in my wedding ring have special meaning to me. And, I will be going to the jewelry store to replace the stone I lost. Of course, it won't be the same stone, that diamond is irreplaceable. But, with the Habakkuk's Well being constructed and another little boy to love, it's time to fill that empty spot. And, interesting enough, I recently began wearing my birth stone ring. For me, it symbolically reminds me to be who I am. Anyway, Evelyn noticed it and asked why I was wearing a new ring and I told her. And then she noticed, it also has a little diamond beside my birthstone and she commented, "And that little diamond is for Habakkuk now!" And so it is.

Tis so sweet...

2010-02-25T13:04:00.000-08:00

I'm going through a little discouragement right now, wondering if this adoption is ever going to go through. Most of the time, I'm OK to wait and trust that God really does love them more than I do and He has a good plan for their lives, but sometimes it just hurts, a lot.

I just got an update on the "Halvo boys". Love it! They are doing well. But it's so hard to read a report about our boys when all I want to do is blog to you about all the things I've learned first hand about my boys.

I can't believe it! "Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" just came on the radio. I guess that's all I can do.

Setback

2010-02-21T17:23:00.000-08:00

Please pray for our family. The news from Liberia lately seemed to be positive lately. However, a very sad story from CA has set things back. I don't have a great website to send you to that fully explains the story. But, this blog link explains a little of how it impacts us.

http://respondinginfaith.wordpress.com/2010/02/20/wanted-positive-and-encouraging-liberian-adoption-stories/#comment-1583

My prayer is: God, what do You want for these boys? I love them and I believe You care about them more than I do. Please let Your will be done in their lives and in ours. Amen.

Habakkuk's Well Update: We did it!

2010-02-19T06:47:00.000-08:00

This morning I received a call that we raised all the money for the well! I am so excited. I can't believe we raised the money so fast! I can't say enough how much I appreciate everyone who heard our story and supported this dream. It means so much to me.

The organization we are working with will get the details for the construction date early next week. We are partnering with a third party, to oversee the construction of the well in Liberia. This will help insure that all the funds are used properly and the well is put in right. They will also teach the people of the village how to care for their well and make sure it is maintained, as well as possibly doing other educationally outreaches such as AIDS prevention. This means further positive impact for this community.

When the well is complete, I hope to send pictures and an update to everyone who donated. And now, please pray that our boys come home soon. Since this part of the project is coming to a close, I won't have that to distract me from missing them so much.

Habakuk's Well

2010-02-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

Mark and I have been preparing to adopt two brothers from Liberia, West Africa, for the past year. In June 2009, our hearts were broken when we were told that our youngest boy, Habakkuk, then 2 ½ , had died of cholera, a disease acquired from drinking contaminated water. Habakkuk lived and died in a village with no well. He is not the only child who died for lack of clean water. Since losing our boy, it has been our dream to build a well in his community. We are trying hard to raise the money so construction can be completed before the rainy season, which starts in April. Pastor Peter Flomo is a son of the Kpeletayama village where our boys, Michael and Habakkuk, were born. He now lives in Liberia's capital, Monrovia, where he is the foster dad for at least eight children, including our Michael. At our request, he put together an estimate for a well in Kpeletayama. The well will cost $5,500.
A Brief Profile of Kpeletayama Village From Pastor Peter Flomo, son of the village
"Kpeletayama is a village in Suakoko District, Bong County, Liberia. It contains about nine huts. This village is surrounded by over ten villages with similar conditions. It is a ‘village with nothing’. With the population put together, 500 persons from the town will benefit while those from the surrounding areas will also benefit from this potable water. The people in this village are simply “existing” while others are living. They are without basic life necessities. Your help is a LIGHT IN DARKNESS. This village could be the “Nazareth of Liberia” where no one expects any good thing. For those with hearts for humanity, I invite your investment in this village and your dividend will be one of eternity.

Please consider making a donation to bring hope and life through clean water to a village with nothing.

I believe we can be the change

2010-01-07T18:47:00.000-08:00

While I was shoveling today, I was thinking about how I came to be a person that believes I can be the change. I know I can't save the whole world, but I believe God put each one of us here to change a corner of it and truly, in my heart, I believe that if everyone did their part, we would change the world. Not in some theoretical dream, but get down and dirty, hands on, see it happen, change the world.

I think when we were young, most of us believed we could do great things in the world. Somehow life experiences make it harder and harder for us to believe that we matter, that we were put here for a reason, that God has a purpose and a plan for our lives that would impact others for good. Many of us just live our lives like there is nothing more than eating, sleeping, and working and then someday, dying. THAT IS NOT WHAT LIFE IS MEANT TO BE! Dream, please, hurting people are depending on it.

What is it for you that makes you angry or moves you to tears? Who are the people you feel like you need to speak up for? Is it the poor? The elderly? The orphan? The addict? The abused? Is is mothers, dads, kids? I know my list could go on forever. But the point is~ this hurting, broken world needs you. Be the change.

A Christmas gift

2009-12-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve day I went out and got the mail. In it I received one of the best Christmas presents of this year. Our I600a approval.

We applied for the I600a in Jan (?) We went to St. Paul for fingerprints in Feb. I went again in March because I have "defective" fingerprints. : ) We submitted our home study in May. And then we waited. And waited and waited. Nothing. Finally, I emailed our adoption agency and asked what I should do. They asked me if we did our fingerprints. I said yes. I asked them if they submitted our home study. They said yes. Then I asked, "Where did you send it? Our fingerprints are in St. Paul." They responded, "Oh, we sent your home study to Milwaukee. We will resend it right away." About a month later, (Nov) I received a letter from USCIS saying I needed local police clearance since my fingerprints failed. ( I never realized how important those little buggers are!) So, I got that taken care of and finally, received the paper we have been waiting for!

Could this be your son?

2009-12-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

One year ago yesterday, I opened an email titled- ?. In that email was a picture of a dirty little boy with a big belly and a sad little face. And: This is Michael. He is four years old. Could he be your son?

I don't know what goes through other adoptive parents heads the first time they see their child, but I was filled with emotions I couldn't put words to. I even asked some friends if there was a "normal" way people, mothers, were supposed to feel. Well, it's been a year now and I still feel many mixed emotions, often.

Yesterday we were at the Peder Eide concert at Trinity Lutheran. We went to hear him sing his new song- Why Wouldn't I. I used to have it on my blog page. We had the chance to talk to Peder after the concert. It was a very special way for me to celebrate, yes, I can use that word, to remember, that one year ago, I saw my boy for the first time.

I just got the info I was waiting for in regards to the water well. In connection with that, I received a message from the pastor who is currently Michael's foster dad. He said, "Extend my greetings to Michael's parents." It was the first time anyone has called us Michael's parents. Joy and sorrow. Hope and longing. All part of the journey of love.

Not alone for Christmas

2009-12-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

I found this song last night. I was amazed at how it echos my emotions lately. And, it reminded me that I'm not the only one waiting, loving, longing.

For all of us, here's Merry Christmas - Third Day

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
and we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his lifeand prepare a place for us
so we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

Bittersweet thoughts of the holiday season

2009-12-01T15:31:00.000-08:00

First of all, I don't know why I need to torture myself with catching up on my friends' blogs of happy pictures and memories of their adopted children safe and sound at home with them right before I update my blog which is still about the waiting.

We put up the Christmas decorations on Sunday. The ponderings of my heart were bittersweet. Last year, I had dreams of what this Christmas would be like. I was sure our little boy would be here by then. There is the Christmas stocking I bought last year when we first received Michael's picture. It's hanging by the fireplace with the rest. And there's the Christmas stocking that's not hanging up too.

I made a Christmas ornament with Michael's picture on it and hung it on the tree tonight.

Alaina's teacher told me today that Alaina has been talking about her brothers a lot lately. The one that's in Liberia and the other one's that in heaven. Evelyn is the Star Student next week and she's including Michael in her family too.

Our gifts arrived for Michael this week. My friend still didn't see him smile. Oh how precious that first glimpse of joy in his eyes will be.

Happy Birthday dear one

2009-11-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

November 6 was Michael's fifth birthday.

I can think about what didn't happen for his birthday this year or I can dream about what it will be like next year. I choose the latter.

I am really excited that a friend of a friend is going to Liberia next week and will, hopefully, be taking a small package with her for our boy. Some matchbox cars and of course, some books. : )

So, Happy Birthday, Michael. Know that you a loved beyond measuse, constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

Finally... some news

2009-10-01T15:23:00.001-07:00

I just heard yesterday that the adoptions that were in process, nine months ago, are being completed in Liberia. So, just set our story aside for a second, I can't imagine these families, many just waiting for a visa in Jan. 09, to be on hold for so long. But, finally, two dozen families will soon get their kids.

OK, back to us. So, basically, we are next in line. As soon as these "in process" adoptions are finalized, we are next to go.

Last weekend, I was at a women's retreat with tons of my dear friends, many asked how things were going for our adoption. I told our story of losing Habakkuk and waiting for Michael many times. It was really soul cleansing. I cried tears that were still stored away. It was a jump start to my heart. I realized that I had stunted loving Michael any deeper b/c of Habakkuk's loss. I "froze" my heart. Sometimes it feels like one of those really late night drives, when you are really tired and have been driving a long time, and you are just sure you are never going to get home. Some days, many actually, it feels like that. If I am honest, it feels like we will never bring our boy home. It's just a dream that will fade away in the light of morning.

Although this weekend hurt, it was good. The kind of pain that reminds you that you are alive. This dream is alive. At just the right time, we will bring our son home.

Thank you for any of you out there that pray for us and especially for Michael.

On this day nothing happened

2009-09-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen one of those tourist site signs that read "On this day in history, nothing happened here" ? That's how I feel lately. Friends ask once in a while if we have any news, we don't. The only thing I've heard recently wasn't helpful. There is some pressure in Liberia, as they finalize the adoption process, to make adoption more difficult. Please pray that won't happened and we will soon know how long until we can bring Michael home.

Diamonds

2009-08-07T08:20:00.001-07:00

One of the hardest parts of losing Habakkuk is wondering if we missed God somehow. Adopting two children was not our plan in the beginning. We felt overwhelmed by the thought, but over time it just felt right.

I always thought my wedding ring, with six little diamonds on each side, was a sign that we would have six children someday. Over the past months, looking at my ring would remind me of the children that were coming, our boys.

After Habakkuk died, looking at my ring was painful. Not only because it reminded me that Habakkuk was gone but also the loss of what I thought was a promise.

So, God in His gentle goodness, gave me a new sign. Last Thursday, as I was loading up the bikes for vacation, I notice my ring catching on something. When I looked at it, one of the stones was gone. I looked for it, but didn't find it.

It immediately hit my heart. One of my diamonds is gone. I haven't told anyone this story in person yet, I don't know if I could. But, now when I look at my ring, my heart is filled with sweet sorrow. One of my diamonds is gone.

In Memory of Habakkuk

2009-07-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

Last week I was told more about what happened to Habakkuk.

When Habukkuk had malaria, he and Michael were taken to Monrovia so he could be treated. While they were gone, their grandpa died. Families are very important, so the boys went back to their community for the funeral. It was while they were there that Habukkuk got Cholera. I don't think there is any medical facility in their community, so by the time the pastor got there to try to take him to a clinic it was too late.

I also found out that Habukkuk was not the only person to contract Cholera. This community does not have a water well. I assume that means they get the water for all their water needs from an open water source. Our friend will be visiting Liberia at the end of the month. She is going to find out what it will take to put a well in this community. Our dream is to fund raise for the well in memory of Habukkuk.

Great Sadness

2009-07-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

This is the email that I sent out yesterday:

Dear friends and family,

It is with tears that I inform you that our little boy, Habakkuk, is home with Jesus instead of with us.

After recovering from malaria, Habakkuk and his older brother, Michael, stayed with a foster family in Monrovia, Liberia. Yesterday, Habakkuk was very ill and was taken to a medical facility. He died there last night of cholera.

Cholera is caused most often by drinking dirty water. In its most severe forms, cholera is one of the most rapidly fatal illnesses known. In a common scenario, the disease progresses from the first liquid stool to shock in 4 to 12 hours, with death following.

Habakkuk was 2 1/2 years old. He lived with his maternal grandparents until recently. He is deeply loved by his family in Liberia as well as our family, as the son and brother we never met.

Please pray for his brother, Michael, and his grandma as they grieve. And pray for us too.

Thank you.
Peggy

Grief

2009-07-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I received a phone call that Habakkuk, our two year old, was very ill yesterday and was taking to the clinic/hospital, but they were unable to save him. Habakkuk died last night of cholera.

While we are waiting

2009-06-25T17:48:00.000-07:00

I believe our boy is over malaria. However, while he was getting treatment in Monrovia, their grandpa died. Both boys were staying with the pastor that is overseeing their care. The relatives decided that the grandma can't continue to care for the boys alone, so they are now with a foster family. I don't know many details at all. I imagine the benefit is that the pastor is closer and will be able to see them more. But, really, my heart is sad because our boys have lost the only family they know. They don't know there is a mommy and a daddy across the ocean who love them and pray for them. They don't know they have sisters and a brother who talk about them often and wonder what it will be like to have new brothers.

My dear, precious boys,

You are loved. You are wanted. You have a home.
You are not abandoned. We will come for you.
Sleep with peace, play with joy, and smile with hope.

And, as I pray over all my children,
May God shine His face on you and be gracious to you.
May He turn His face towards you and give you peace.
May you love God with all your heart and soul and strength.
May you love Him forever and follow Him all you days.
And may He send His angels to watch over you to guard your heart, your mind and your body.
In Jesus' name.
Amen

Alaina's words

2009-05-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

Alaina is sitting on my lap and in her quiet little voice says, "My heart is broken because M and H aren't here yet." Oh, what a sweet girl!

Malaria

2009-05-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

I received word yesterday that our two year old son in Liberia has +1 malaria. The pastor overseeing his care has taken him to the clinic for treatment. I'm told +1 malaria is not the most serious level of malaria, but please prayer for his recovery.

And, please pray for me, the long distance mommy. I asked if the boys had mosquito nets about a month ago, but didn't follow up. We could have sent money to make sure. (We will now.) Seriously, malaria kills a child every 30 sec in Africa and a $10 mosquito can prevent it.

Check out www.malarianomore.org. There is a link at the bottom of my blog.

Good news and not so good news

2009-05-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

It looks like the new, almost finalized Liberian adoption laws don't have any unexpected surprises in them. That is the good news.

The not so good news is that it also looks like the adoption process will take about 3 months in Liberia. That means that August will be the earliest time we can travel to go get the boys.

Room for 8

2009-04-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Mark and I are making plans to purchase a new vehicle. We need something that will seat all eight of us. After some research, I would really like to find a used Toyota Sienna, Honda Odyssey or Honda Pilot. My favorite is the Pilot which gets decent gas mileage for an SUV, and has decent space for the stuff 8 people need to travel with. So, keep your eyes open and pray that we find just what we need.

Liberian English

2009-04-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

In luau of not having anything new to say, I am pasting this post from another Liberian adoption blog. It has youtube links of conversations in Liberia. I love languages and this is helpful stuff:

The videos are all from the same guy. He obviously likes to deal with relational conflicts, which isn’t indicative of all of Liberian culture, but it does give a window into the types of conflicts that come up within Liberian relationships and how they deal with them. (Yes, we have witnessed a couple of the very vocal exchanges you will see in the video.)What I like about them is that in short clips you get to hear several different people speaking. As you will hear, some Liberians speak a more formal American English that we have an easier time understanding and some speak a stronger Liberian English that gets farther and farther from what we are used to hearing. (On a side note, see if you pick up the humor in each of these sketches.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xpqMOQZcIU
Fatherly Advice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HmriaZn5DQ
Boyfriend Troubles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u6EW6gLRKI
Teacher Student Relationship
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ6BWt0GI
A The Civilized People Wedding

Also, I thought it might be helpful to pull what I have written up about Liberian English in our education manual we give to adoptive families. Liberian English vs. American EnglishThroughout the adoption process people may ask you if your children will speak English. The answer is, “Yes, and no.” They speak Liberian English, which is very similar... and very different from American English. Practically, what this means is that the kids will understand a lot of what you say to them, but initially it's much more difficult to understand their Liberian English. Here are some tips for understanding Liberian English:

1. The best thing to understand is that Liberians do not pronounce the end of most of their words. So, if an American says, "Give me some of that apple," from a Liberian it would sound like, "Gi me su u da appu."

2. Also, a very important difference in communicating that isn't verbal but still necessary to understand is that Liberians raise their eyebrows to say, "Yes." They only give a slight nod when the, "Yes," is very emphatic.

3. Obviously, the Liberian accent is unique. This is something that is best understood by listening to anyone from West Africa speak for awhile. If you are adopting a Liberian child, it would be helpful to familiarize yourself with the accent. Get a music CD, watch movies with characters from West Africa, or find someone in your community with a similar accent. The book Blue Clay People is written by William Powers, who worked in Liberia for two years, and it has a lot of Liberian conversations in it. One of the moms who has adopted Liberian boys has a blog in which she often records conversations with them. It is funny, insightful and useful for understanding the dialect. (www.morebridges.blogspot.com) If you are able to go to Liberia to pick up your kids, the experience will give you a great advantage in understanding their language. After listening to the accent from a lot of people speaking, it gets much easier to understand. If you're not able to travel, don't worry. It will just take some more effort on your part to get exposure to the way Liberian English sounds.

4. There are some common pronunciation differences, like Liberians do not make the "th" sound. Instead, it sounds like "d" or "t". For example, "this" sounds like "dis" and "three" sounds like "tree." They pronounce our short O sound like "aw" so "God" sounds like "Gaw."

5. They have different rules for grammar, so the placement of their words in a sentence is often different or the verb form can be different or partly missing. Like "I am finished" in Liberian is "I fini." Or we may say, "Will you take me to school?" and a Liberian would say, "You carry me to skoow?" Or we say, "How are you?" and a Liberian says, "How you feeling?" Also, Liberians tend to use the present tense of verbs regardless of the time an action took place. This is one of the differences in language that will stay with your Liberian children longest.

6. Liberians will often repeat a word for emphasis. "He ha plenty, plenty toys" to refer to someone having an overwhelming amount of toys or "He funny, funny in de he (head)" to refer to someone who seems mentally unsound.7. Americans and Liberians use different words for a lot of common things. Here are a few:
American/Liberian
How are you?/How you feelin? or How you comu on?
I'm okay/TryinI'm hanging in there/Tryin small or I dry ri (I'm dry rice)
throw/chunk (As in "chunk it here")
shirt/blouse (for women) shirt (for boys)
pants/trousers
flip flops/slippers
tennis shoes/sneakers
okay/aw rie (all right)
a lot/plenty
cookie or cracker/biscuit
hot dog/sausagea
little bit/small or small, small
Dad/Pa
Mom/Ma
to take somewhere/carry
move or move over/dress
soccer/football
done/fini (finish/finished)
your family/yaw peepo (your people)
pajamas/nega (nightgown)
bath/bathe
trash can/bucket
braid/plat (plait)
spank/beat
There are also the bathroom terms that are helpful to know when you are asking if they need to use the facilities. :) They say "pee pee" and "poo poo."Here are a few more that came to mind as I watched the videos:
plead/beg
rogue/thief
shame/embarrass
What do you think?/How you loo a da? (How do you look at that?)

Not much news, but a new journal

2009-04-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

Liberia is still officially closed as the updates to the adoption process get signed into law.

We scheduled our final adoption education visit for next Thursday, then our home study can be completed.

I have an appointment to go get my yellow fever shot and malaria medication.

And, although I know the pastor visited the boys last week and said they were doing well, I haven't received the new pictures of the boys yet.

I started a journal for the boys this week. Whenever we were expecting a new baby, I always started a journal to record my thoughts and feelings during that time. That journal eventually grew into a journal for that child. So, I began this journal by going through my personal journals and recording any of my thoughts about adoption over the last few years. I left room on alternating pages to hopefully write in some of what was going on in their lives around the same time. I want the boys to know they were always loved and wanted. And that I was thinking of them and praying for them long before I knew how or when they would join our family.

Malaria No More

2009-03-19T15:40:00.000-07:00

No news yet about our boys. The pastor that was going to check on them last week was delayed by the death of one of the little boys he was hoping would be helped by the special needs orphanage that will be opening soon. But, it's too late for him. He died of malaria. His parents were too poor to provide a mosquito net that could have prevented him from getting it. Never underestimate what $10 can do.

Check out Malaria No More at http://www.malarianomore.org/ and the video at the bottom of my blog.

To a child in Africa, the buzz of a mosquito may be the scariest sound of all.

Adoption Education

2009-03-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

We met with our social worker from Catholic Charities yesterday to go over the material we have covered so far in our workbook. I am trying to get through that thing so our home study can be completed. One more meeting and we are done!

Journey to Love

Small Steps

God is too wise to be mistaken God is too good to be unkind So when you don't understand When you don't see His plan When you can't trace His hand Trust His heart

Carries me though

Trust His Heart

Joy and sorrow of the season

One year ago today I left Liberia after my first visit

Trust His Heart

Blessings in waiting aren't always easy to see

It looks like hope

Suffering now, joy later. I guess that's why dessert comes last.

A new leg of the journey

Missing you

Memories of Michael

The teacher's house in Kpeletayama

Baby Esther

Beginning of day 5:

End of Day 4:

End of Day 3:

Michael and Mark

Day 3: Heading to the Interior

Peggy: Arrival Day

Mark and Peggy Go to Africa, Day One:

The Teacher's house begins

Today is Habakkuk's birthday

I got a teacher's house for Christmas

I talked to Michael

Next Chapter: Kpeletayama school

I want to be a Star Thrower

My Christmas Wish

The rest of Sat and Sun: Preparing to leave Liberia

Saturday in Liberia

Beauty, not the rubble

More pictures

Michael 3

Michael 2

Habakkuk's grave

Kpeletayama village continued

Pictures so far

Kpeletayama village

Michael

Liberia

Not what I would have chosen

I leave for Liberia in the morning

Uncommon

Still true

Radio interview on Front Page

Before a heartache can ever touch my life,

Long Overdue Update

Glory!

Clarify

A little numb

With Open Hands

Important Adoption Meeting- Please pray

Bittersweet

I love you all the time

the waiting

Water: Hope for a village

Sending our love...

Habakkuk's well construction begins tomorrow!

Another diamond

Tis so sweet...

Setback

Habakkuk's Well Update: We did it!

Habakuk's Well

I believe we can be the change

A Christmas gift

Could this be your son?

Not alone for Christmas

Bittersweet thoughts of the holiday season

Happy Birthday dear one

Finally... some news

On this day nothing happened

Diamonds

In Memory of Habakkuk

Great Sadness

Grief

While we are waiting

Alaina's words

Malaria

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart