It's Christmas time again and you're not home...

Lyrics from Third Day's song "Merry Christmas"

But half a world away I hang
The stockings by the fire
And dream about the day
When I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms
And tell you from my heart, I wish you a Merry Christmas

Every year for the past 5 years I've gone through this gut wrenching struggle of preparing for another Christmas season with the realization that it's another Christmas without Michael. And every year I can't stop myself from thinking...maybe next year. 

I sometimes wish we didn't hang up his stocking, again. But, it's a tradition now. He has his own box for the ornaments I faithfully add to his collection every year. 

This year it's really hard. Mark and I have several dear friends that will have their adopted children home by Christmas this year. And with all my heart I want to celebrate with them. I really do. I wish I could, without thinking about myself, and my little boy, who isn't so little anymore, and the hopes and dreams I've had for him. And how precious the memories of being with him are.