Happy Birthday Michael

The date of Michael's birthday on our paperwork is Nov. 6. There is no way of knowing how close that date is to the day he was born, but I guess we don't really know what day Jesus was born and we celebrate His birthday Dec. 25th.

This year, Mark and I were in Liberia together in Nov. and we wanted to celebrate Michael's birthday with him. I actually packed a small chocolate cake in my carry on for the occasion along with balloons and candles.

The plan was to have the birthday party as soon as Mark arrived and before our other friends left, but it didn't work out that day, or the next day, and the days kept going. Finally, it was the last day before we left. It was today or not at all, it was then that I realized how much I didn't really want to have this birthday party. Mark lead the way, brought the kids in, lit the candles, sang the song. I took pictures and tried not to cry.

After the little party, Mark and I walked and I wept. The party just reminded me of all the birthday I had missed. And all the years we had missed together. And the pain of loving someone and leaving them so many times.

The next day we packed up our things to go to the airport. I gave candy to everyone at the guest house so they wouldn't cry as we drove away. We took Michael with us to the airport. I had one more gift for him. A electronic phonics game. The kind of gift you get when your mom is a teacher, I guess. I took it out shortly before we got to the airport so I could teach him how to us it. My hope was that it would comfort and distract him on the drive back after we left.

We arrived at the airport, brought our bags to the terminal door and said, "Until I see you next time". I caught the look of pain on Michael's face before Oretha led him back to the truck. I broke his heart again. It's one thing to endure my own pain at leaving again. But, it is almost unbearable to know the pain I am causing him. I try to remember what C. S. Lewis said about the joy now is part of the pain later. It's because of the love and joy we share that parting is so agonizing.

I think I'm glad that we shared Michael's 9th birthday with him. I hope that it is a warm and happy memory for him. I really have no idea what the future holds. I choose to keep my hands open before God and trust Him.